True dat (Dazai x Chuuya)

~Pass me the- Goddamnit...~

A/N: As said in the story description I had to take down the original and re-upload this on a new account and I have to re-write everything but I'll do my best to make it the same as before. Sorry if this is bad, English isn't my first language. (Japanese)

TRIGGER WARNING: SLURS

"Good morning"

...
"Good morning."
...
"WAKE UP ASSHOLE!"

Dazai jolts up in bed, surprised by the sudden outburst. "Well jeez, no need to yell." He groans, pouting like a child with his arms crossed. He sees a female figure standing over him with an unamused expression. "What?" Dazai replies dully and annoyed. "Uh... What time is it?" He asked scratching his head

"Much too long!" The lady replies, "And we have much too much to discuss! Come with me!" She says hastily. "You said much twiiii--- Ahhh!" Dazai starts before being dragged by his hair out of bed and his room. "Easy, easy, don't pull to hard!"

Dazai's dragged out his room where Chuuya is already awake, his hair styled, dressed in formal attire, with a cup of coffee. "Morning Dazai." Chuuya replied, watching Dazai be dragged across the room, barely showing an expression and waving, like this was just an everyday experience for him.

"Help me Chuuyaaaaaaaa!~" Dazai whines as his face is dragged across the floor. The lady finally stops as they reach Dazai's desk. "Morning Chuuya!" She says cheerfully with a smile. Chuuya smiles back and nods.

"This is the fifth time you've done this..." Dazai grumbles as he stands up, "I don't know why I still let you pester me." He continues as the lady rolls her eyes. "Shut up and work." She demands. "You aren't my boss!" Dazai yells, turning away in stubborness

"No, I'm your babysitter." She replies. Dazai gasps. "How dare you! Act as though I'm a child needing to be watched!" Dazai says dramaticly (Like a child) "I am a grown man, I watch myself. And because you've made such degrading claims and rude demands I will NOT be working today at all!"

"Do what Dezmond says, Dazai." Chuuya replies in a deadpan tone, sipping his coffee. Dazai pouts and sits at his desk. "How dare you take her side." He says, turning his head away.

After a few minutes of silent working, Dazai looks up at Dezmond with curiosity in his eyes. "Hey..." He says sliding over to Dezmond's desk, in a tone that makes it clear he's thinking something stupid.

"Yessss?~" Dezmond replies looking up at Dazai in obliviousness. "Could I borrow a potion from you?" Dazai asks in the most innocent way possible. Dezmond crosses her eyes and looks at him. "How many times have I told you, they are potion-like, not potions."

Dezmond's ability is to create "potion-like liquids" with different effects. Dazai had always been interested in this because some of them were very useful to him.

"Ah, pleaseeeeee~?" Dazai pleads. Dezmond thinks. "Why?"

"I'd like to try another deadly one, oh would you please allow me the pleasure?" Dazai asks in an almost... Charming way? Dezmond doesn't seem to feel the same about it though, as she finds it pretty annoying. She thinks for a moment.

"I would have to make another one. Want it to be instant but painful or slow but painless?" Dezmond asks. Dazai thinks and pouts. "Wait, that's not very fair, neither of those are what I want. And what if it doesn't work, what then?"

Usually Dezmond's potions would always work and that wouldn't be a question needed to be asked, but with Dazai they tended to fail every time and have nasty side effects due to him not... Well, dying. Like he was, you know, supposed to?