Xiao Discorvers CupcakKe

Xiao's despair

It was a silent night in Liyue harbour. Xiao slowly walked his way to Wangshu inn; he chose not to teleport this time, despite his lack of energy due to his entitled duty he woefully had to perform.

Xiao had reached his limit. He was tired of saving those who he didn't even care about, he was starting to question why he decided to live up to his title as a Yaksha. Was it perhaps for his love for Morax?

"Ugh..Useless! Entirely up to no use to pursue what I do," expressed Xiao. And he was right. He was not even appreciated for his hard work as the only Yaksha left to ensure the safety of every civilian of this cursed nation. Xiao was stressed for too long.

As Xiao made his way to the Wangshu inn, he heard a noise, or in better words, a melody. He chose to check it out, purely out of curiosity, definitely not due to a pique of interest. He approached the area near the elevator and took a glance, revealing a record player with a phonograph record on it.

It was a strange song. One that you wouldn't normally hear in Teyvat. It had an upbeat riff and the lyrics Xiao could catch were:

"hotbox? more like a scorching pussy,
open this coochie up like a fortune cookie (crack it open),
Yo' banana in my mouth watch my tongue go ape,
Yo' dick getting more blows than a birthday cake,"

"What is this... divine melody...?" thought Xiao. He never heard something as extravagant as this. He picked up the vinyl record by force and took it to his room in the hotel. Xiao and this record became best of friends.
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2 days had passed.  Zhongli was enjoying his time outside the Wangshu inn, sipping on some green tea. He was thinking about his friends and family. He thought about his dear friend, Childe. His loving daughter, Ganyu, his son... Xiao. Where was Xiao? Zhongli had not seen the adeptus in a while.

The brown haired male took another sip of his tea. "Hmm, maybe I should pay him a visit," he concluded.

Zhongli slowly walked up the stairs of the inn. He was glad to be visiting Xiao again. He wanted to ask him how life had been. He eventually reached Xiao's room.

Zhongli gently knocked on the door 3 times, patiently waiting to be greeted by the yaksha he missed so much, but instead he heard singing.

It was a recognisable, breathy voice, singing.
Zhongli picked up some lyrics being said. He eventually figured what they were saying.

"YO' DICK BRICK HARD LIKE A MEDAL
I GOT THREE HOLES FOR IT LIKE A PRETZEL,
TIGHT AS A VIRGIN BOY DONT GET NERVOUS (TIGHT) ,
IM HERE TO SERVE YOU CUSTOMER SERVICE (RIGHT...)"

Zhongli was at a loss of words. He backed away from the door, reconsidering his actions of paying Xiao a visit.

Zhongli started to tear up. He couldn't believe it. A smile appeared on his face, as the tears of joy rolled down his cheeks. His beloved son, Xiao was finally out of his emo phase, and instead serving cunt.