Insecurity's (english version)

Nightmare

Swiss's POV:

As Sodo lay in my arms, a strange thought crossed my mind. The way my heart raced when he was near and how comfortable I felt with him – was it really just friendship I felt for him? Could it be more than that? Had... had I fallen in love with him?

Damn. The thought made my stomach churn immediately. Not that it wouldn't be a beautiful thing if it were more than just friendship, but I was afraid that if I told him, it might drive a wedge between us, to lose him as a friend...

The longer I lay there, contemplating, the more uneasy I became. Perhaps I should try to get some sleep.

...

"Fuck," I muttered softly. I carefully withdrew my arm from under Sodo, got out of bed, and covered him again. I had been lying awake in bed for a solid two hours now. A cold shower should help clear my mind.

So, I went to the bathroom, undressed, and jumped into the cold shower. After about 10 minutes, I already felt much better. I dried myself off and put on fresh clothes.

Just as I was about to re-enter my bedroom, I noticed that Sodo had turned in his sleep. He seemed to be having a nightmare. I gently sat down on the edge of the bed next to him and placed my hand on his shoulder to gently wake him from his dream.

"Dew, wake up. It was just a dream," I whispered to avoid startling him. Sodo still woke up with a start, trying to orient himself with his eyes and looking somewhat alarmed when he noticed me.

He was breathing heavily, and his pupils were dilated. "Hey..." I pulled him gently into my arms, and he almost clung to me. I spoke to him softly to calm him down. "Hey, Dew... a bad nightmare?" He just nodded. "It felt... more like reality than just a nightmare," he whispered. "What do you mean?" He took a deep breath.

Sodo pulled away from the hug and began to tell me about the band he had been in before joining us. "I was always blamed for problems. They belittled me often, and I was treated like a nobody. When Rain snapped at me today, all those memories came flooding back. I thought this place was different, that it wouldn't happen again..."

"Sodo... damn, what assholes. But now you're here with us. It won't happen again here, I'll make sure of it."

Now, I too felt a tear running down my cheek. It hurt so much to see him so distraught.

I would make sure Rain apologized to Sodo.

"Come, let's get some more sleep. We can talk in peace tomorrow if you want."

...

Sodo's POV:

The night seemed to pass quickly, and I felt as if I hadn't slept enough, even though I'd actually had a full 8 hours of sleep. When I opened my eyes, I noticed that Swiss was gone. I felt a bit hurt by that, so I got up to use the bathroom.

"Shit!" That was the first thing I heard when I came out of the bathroom. It must be coming from outside in the hallway. With a few steps, I reached the door and opened it.

"Swiss?" He was crawling on the floor and looked somewhat annoyed when he noticed me.

"What are you doing on the floor?" I began to laugh.

"Uhh...no...Ah, to hell with it... I was getting us breakfast, and on my way here, I tripped over one of Mountain's damn anti-stress balls..."

I scratched the back of my head. For the first time, I seriously had to consider whether we were just friends. He was always there for me, even allowed me to crawl into his bed in the middle of the night, and now he was even getting us breakfast. But he also respected my space when I needed it...

The clatter of Swiss as he picked up everything from the floor snapped me back to reality.

"I-I'll help you," I stuttered while Swiss looked at me, amused. Could he really tell that I had drifted off in thought? Together, we cleaned up the mess and then returned to the room.

I simply flopped back onto the bed, where my earlier thoughts caught up with me. Swiss was in the bathroom changing into fresh clothes because some coffee had spilled on his.

"Swiss?" I asked, somewhat hesitantly, as he stood in the doorway wearing his fresh clothes.

"Can... can I hug you?" I asked him, hesitatingly, hoping I wasn't being too forward.

"Yeah, of course. You don't need to ask for something like that," he said with a warm smile on his face. So, he pulled me into a hug, and I felt incredibly comfortable and secure. Wasn't this a bit too intense for a friendship? Or was it normal?

I quickly pushed that thought aside because, honestly, I just wanted to enjoy this moment.

After what seemed like far too short a time, Swiss slowly released the hug, and then, a little mishap happened. Almost as if on autopilot, I pulled Swiss down toward me and kissed him. It was a brief kiss, our lips probably didn't touch for a second, but it felt beautiful, so right. My heart was pounding like crazy, and when I looked at Swiss's face...

I saw him smiling.

"I'm sorry, Swiss. I..." He just placed his warm hand on my cheek, full of understanding.

"It's okay, Dew. How about I go get us breakfast again?"

I nodded. "Yes, please." He gave me one more brief hug and then left through the door.

Holy shit...

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It feels so weird to re-read that.