Ancalagon's Gold

39. DAUGHTER OF CHAOS

"You haven't seen the power of a chaos untill you've seen
the calm at their eye."

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Kenneth

How far have we come in life? I mean the past few years, all feels like a dream now. Sometimes it's hard to go back in time and think how lonely my life felt then and how worthless I thought this living was. Sometimes I wished, I was just a human and not some royal dragon. All my problems started from my status. If I wasn't a royal, I would have been happily married with Tiara and maybe I would have fathered my 6 to 7 years kids, this fatherhood that has been a blessing and curse at the same time, doesn't make me proud at all. Falkor is over the moon, whenever we see our son. I can understand his attachment to his own blood, but why can't I feel that same, like I should?

You no love hatchling? Asked Falkor, in a sad voice. I shighed. It's not that Falkor. You won't understand. I'm trying here, but it doesn't feel like my own. Something is missing. This child is very unfortunate Falkor, because I can't be the father he deserves. I just couldn't imprint on him, like Drake. I'm not sure about my other brothers, but even though I know, it's my own, I don't feel any excitement to be blessed with the fatherwood. I feel sorry for my son, who I can't even call my son. He'll always remind me of how I almost lost my mate again, because of him and his brothers. He cries keeper. Hold him. Pleaded Falkor. I feel bad for him and lifted my crying son from his crib, which made him stop wailing at once.

I gave him a sad smile and walked towards the window, with him in my arms. I sighed, looking out. "I'm sorry son. I'm not a good father. I'm.. I'm very bad. I can't keep anyone happy. I have failed you, I failed my mate and I'm a failure myself, because my mate is happy to have you and that doesn't make me happy at all. What kind of person that makes me?" I said, loosing a teardrop. I felt a presence behind me and turned to find Blaze with his sleeping kid in his arm. Then he very gently kissed on his forehead and layed him inside the crib carefully, and smiled.

I looked down at my son, and found him watching me with curious eyes. Maybe trying to figure out who I am, making me more guilty. "What are you so deeply thinking about, bro?" Said Blaze, coming closer to me and looked down at my son. "Hello little one. I'm your uncle, but your mom said, we are all your father sooooo, you can call me dada." He said, in a baby tone, making my son smile and blabber, which made me chuckle. Blaze then looked up at me, while playing with my son's small hands. "You didn't answer me. What's bothering you?" He asked, making my smile fall.

"Nothing just..I guess, I'm just not ready to be a father yet...Or more like, I'll never be ready as his father." I looked down at my kid again, he was sucking on one of Blaze's fingers, who unintentionally placed it on his lips. "What are you saying Kenneth? Don't tell me, you don't want him. Have some mercy on this innocent." He said, scolding me. "Easy for you to say. Have you once stopped to think, what our mate is going through? Just because she loves us, she excepted our bastard children and trying to raise her as her own. But isn't it an injustice to her and our own child in the future?" Blaze took a step away from me and stood against the window.

"She's happy Kenneth, trust me. And she's aware that, we would not treat our children differently. You just have to come out of your self hate world bro, or you would hurt everyone in the process." He said, like I'm just a teenager and don't know what's right and what's wrong. "If she's happy, then why doesn't she spend time with us? Why isn't she back yet?" I ask him. Its been 2 months, since we see her. As soon as we returned from the trip after the call from father, and once she declared that she would adopt our children, she left for the remaining trip alone, with only her bodyguards one day.