You Cannot Blame

Ch 1 Unknown Letter

I woke up inconsequential dizzy, there was something attached to my hand it was the IV fluid. I looked around and found myself in the hospital.
The nurse came in for a check as I sit on the bed, almost laying down. My head twitches for some reason, I am aware but don't want it to be true, forget everything like it was a nightmare like it never ensued. The lady officer and grandma came into the room.
They asked me if I am feeling alright. I can see a lot of concern in their eyes.

My eyes kept searching for her(my mother) but met a dead end. Where is she?
Why isn't she here to see me? They both stood silent, looking at me like I am so unfortunate.

I made my way to the corridor almost tripping every single step. The officer came after me leaving Grandma in the room she grabbed me by the arm to stop me to go any further than I already was. The dam of my feelings broke. The drop of tears came in like a flood, I couldn't hold it any longer. Crying on the ground like a kid. I had never been good at controlling my emotion. Why does it have to be like this? Asking the question without expecting an answer. I cried like a child as the officer held me patting my back.

After her funeral I stayed in my room for days refusing to eat, to go anywhere. Grandma came every day to my room even though she is in her wheelchair. I feel it's wrong to worry her as we both are in the same sorrow.

A month later.

She asked me to continue with my studies and so I did, maybe to escape from reality, maybe to blame someone or maybe to forget what transpired. I felt something unsettling in my heart. Never mind I will do as she says as I was not in my right mind to make any sort of decision. No matter what I did everything reminded me of her like how she smiled at me while I dance. I loved to see her smile. Everything made her happy unlike me.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into years and I graduated from college I never had many friends and most of them were only on campus. I had one friend I hold close to my heart,
my mother.

I came from my internship. It was quite tiring. I changed into comfortable clothes my room has always been a mess. I sat down on the chair Looking at the table lamp as it gleams, gazing at things on my messy desk with a blank look. A pink flower lying the beneath of stack of papers I shuffled up the paper while making my way to the letter. The letter has no name, no date and no address or who wrote it. I chuckled, I opened it and started to read.

The letter for some reason didn't drive me frantic maybe I know somewhere in my heart that whatever it said was true for the first part of the letter. I know I cannot back to the way I used to be after what had been ensured this past year.

" Are you always this dumb? Or are you pretending to be? Or do you want to run away from everything like the coward you have always been?

Didn't you stumble upon that it is anomalous that every member of your family vanishes without a tinge of your presence? Have you ever seen it with your own eyes? "

Of course, I haven't seen it as it happened, and yes I find it a bit stranger now that it's touched upon.

I never asked questions because it wasn't something I was taught to do. I just do as others say and do what others do, as it is very easy not to think, But that day for the first time that letter made me question myself.

Maybe it was an antic after all. I gave myself an excuse so that I can at least rest at night after a tiring day of drudgery.