all my nights taste like gold / purinz

16

NOW.

Sometimes Chaewon wonders if everybody knows she's in love with Yunjin and just doesn't want to say anything, the same way everybody avoids talking about Ryujin and Yeji.

Jiwoo probably has a hunch, if she's being honest. Maybe Heejin too, since they've known Chaewon the longest and know her the best after Yunjin. Sooyoung's always had some kind of eerie sixth sense when it comes to deeply buried personal things like this, so Chaewon wouldn't be surprised if she had figured it out too.

Still, none of them have ever directly questioned her about it, and so Chaewon's inconvenient feelings have been mostly left untouched and ignored as they slowly grew over the years.

"You know," Jiwoo says casually. "I'm getting tired of you lying to me about Yunjin."

Apparently, Jiwoo is the one who wants to change that. Right now. With a wrecking ball straight through all of the walls Chaewon's built up around those feelings.

They're in Cheongju for Christmas; Chaewon, Yunjin, Jiwoo and Heejin. Haseul's flown back for the holidays too, and she's coming with them to Seoul to ring in the New Year at one of Joohyun and Seulgi's legendary parties. Jiwoo had called, complaining about how mind-numbingly boring their suburb is compared to Seoul, and so she came over armed with snacks and they cuddled up on Chaewon's bed to watch a movie. And then Jiwoo had asked if Chaewon was okay, because apparently you've seemed a little off recently, and Chaewon said she was fine, just the stress of finals, you know? and then Jiwoo said you know you can tell me anything right which had so blatantly been some kind of trap that Chaewon just said I know and hoped Jiwoo would drop it.

Jiwoo had not dropped it.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Chaewonie, no," Jiwoo sighs. "Don't do that, don't shut me out."

Chaewon refuses to say anything, and Jiwoo gives up all pretense of paying attention to the movie, turning so she's looking straight at Chaewon.

"I'm not stupid, alright?" Jiwoo says. "I know you, and I know Yunjin, and I can tell when you're not talking to each other. I wasn't going to say anything, I was waiting until you came to me yourself, but it doesn't seem like you're gonna do that." Chaewon stays quiet, staring straight ahead at the television. Jiwoo sighs again. "I hate seeing you both like this. You can't just expect me to sit back and watch two of the people I love most in the world be so sad without each other."

It isn't very often that Jiwoo gets serious. It's kind of unnerving, and Chaewon's a little scared, because Jiwoo has a way of making Chaewon spill all her secrets.

"It's nothing, okay? It was just— we just had a stupid little fight," Chaewon lies, glancing briefly at Jiwoo. "I know we're making things awkward now, but we'll be fine eventually."

"You've been avoiding each other for weeks over 'nothing'?"

Jiwoo's phone lights up in between them. A message from a contact saved as future wife followed by about seven heart emojis. Jiwoo doesn't even glance at it, which is how Chaewon knows Jiwoo isn't backing down without a fight, because she doesn't ignore Sooyoung for anything.

"Chaewonie," Jiwoo says softly. "What happened?"

Where does Chaewon even begin? When they first met? When she first realised that while Yunjin was looking at Heesu she was looking at Yunjin? Their first kiss? The second? The third? That night in October that was the stupidest thing Chaewon has ever done in her life?

"Chaewonie?"

Chaewon turns away, knowing that if she looks at Jiwoo's concerned face for too long she'll break and spill everything, and her gaze lands on the photo frame sitting on her nightstand. It's one of those big ones that's split into smaller frames to hold multiple photos, part of her birthday present from Yunjin last year.