looking through the rearview mirror

10.

The afternoon light is golden by the time Chase and Michael exit the gym, arms wrapped around each other's shoulders. They pass Dana, still in her waiter uniform, and she hands them some of the chocolate she'd stashed away for herself while chatting to Charlie, Nicole seeming very pleased by the rapport the two have built up. They find Quinn and Lola in an animated discussion about one of Lola's exes who had, apparently, proposed on the spot upon hearing about his potential make-believe bastard.

"Where the hell have you two been?" Logan asks upon seeing the duo. "I had to watch Stacey and Mark's PDA session for a full fifteen minutes. It was disgusting. They even made me babysit," he adds, pointing accusingly at Steven, who waves back sweetly from where he's standing next to the couple in question, still giving each other adoring looks. "I had to give him fifty bucks to get him to jump and scream around them until they stopped."

Michael lays a hand on his shoulder and grins, "That, my friend, is karma."

Chase continues to look around, puzzled.

"Where's Zoey?" he asks them.

It takes him a little while to find her after that, but only because he double-checks the gym and the remaining congregations of people first. His first instinct of where she'd be is the right one; he goes there unthinkingly, the way still clear in his mind after so many years.

"Woah. Fountain's gone," Chase says once he spots her, coming to sit beside Zoey. He takes off his jacket and drapes it over her shoulders. She smiles at him in thanks but doesn't say anything, not quite looking him in the eye. "So, love, any reason why you're out here staring at a big round bit of empty concrete?"

"You bring any snacks with you? Guess it's my time to have an existential crisis," she answers, the joke not quite landing. He reaches into his jacket pocket and places one of the wrapped chocolates Dana gave him on her knee.

"Well, you know what they say: the couple that spirals together, stays together," he says. She finally looks at him, the unshed tears in her eyes reflecting the orange sky. Immediately, the humour leaves his voice and he runs a knuckle over her cheekbone repeatedly, trying to comfort her, "Hey, it's ok. I'm sorry, I know today has been a bit of a mess, but I'll help you plan the next one. I'm sure you'll do a much better job. You always do."

Zoey shakes her head and leans into Chase's touch until he's cupping the side of her face, her hand circling his wrist, running her thumb back and forth over the bone there.

"It's not that; I'm pretty used to weird stuff happening here. I don't know what it is, really," she sniffs. "I think it's just...it's never going to be like it was before. We can't go back to not doing taxes or having to pay our insurance, or even our first kiss, or you riding a bike into a flagpole -"

"I wouldn't be sure about that one," he says, making her let out a soft laugh.

"The point," she continues, "is that we can't change any of those or fix them. Not that I want to, but it's just - hit me. We're never going to feel that way again, how we felt during all those firsts. And usually I'm ok with that. Most of the time I don't even think about it because I'm happy with you and with Maddie. With everything. But it's still all changed," she says, her eyes flickering to the fountain. She sighs and drops her hand from his wrist, gently removing his hand from her face. "I'm just a bit sad, that's all."

Chase regards her for a moment, surprised to see her be so open with her emotions, then says, "I've been there. Too much, really, but I've found one thing that can help." Before she can ask what it is he's wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her against him so that she's almost sitting in his lap, smiling when he feels her laugh against his neck. He picks up the chocolate still resting on her knee and holds it out to her. "This helps too," he says, watching her take the chocolate and untwist the foil, popping it in her mouth.

He continues to hold her and lets the quiet wash over them, hearing the distant chatter from where everyone else is still enjoying the reunion, the breeze cool against their skin. They watch the sun sink slowly into the horizon, the spattering of dark clouds outlined in gold.

"You know this feeling is only going to get worse as Maddie gets older," says Zoey quietly. Chase begins to rub his hand up and down her arm, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"Yeah," he says. "But it will be worth it."

* * *

Zoey and Chase rejoin the others, now loitering in the car park, and together they look back at the old school; its dark, indistinct shapes in the blue evening light, little dots of yellow appearing as the lamps start to turn on. No one says anything but Zoey can't help but catch glimpses of them all in her memories: the late nights she spent studying; dancing at prom, slow and fast; goodnight kisses that went on too long; bumping into each other as they walked back from Sushi Rox after exams, relaxed and satiated; sitting around the fountain together and laughing until they couldn't breathe. She wonders what the others think of, where their minds return in the dark.

"You never know. We might be back sooner than we think," Lola says quietly, a sentiment which doesn't necessarily sound appealing to everyone but also seems to have a degree of inevitability to it. For now, they turn their backs on PCA and drive away.

They don't go to the bar with their other schoolmates but they do end up at the beach, sitting in their cars and leaning against the metal railing so they don't find sand permanently embedded in their fine dresses and dress shoes. They watch the videos Dustin texted them of Maddie bouncing along to the theme song of a TV show she was watching and another of him armed with a hand puppet and funny voice, making Maddie clap and laugh as he plays with her. Michael has a murmured phone conversation with Lisa, subdued but not discontent, but beams when she video calls him so he can talk to Jodie: she shows him the large rainbow frog she got and the giant lollipop she's spent the evening on before he says goodnight, everyone else chiming in and waving as well, wishing Jodie sweet dreams. Lola and Logan bicker over one of the lines Lola has to learn and the prosthetic makeup she'll have to be slathered in, Quinn laughing as Lola mocks him, before she chances a peek into her bag, checking on Herman and telling him he's a good boy, that she hopes he wasn't scared, that she hopes he was happy to go back after everything.

Eventually, they all settle into silence, the breeze now chilled enough that they lean against each other for warmth but not more than would be worth staying outside for. They watch the waves roll and crash against the shore, the white foam left behind, the sea calm and stretched out to the dark sky and its handful of stars, and wait until they feel ready to go home.