⑱You Don't Deserve It

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The harrowing pain howled inside Taehyung’s jarring body, the earsplitting echoes stabbing his heart and punching holes to his stomach. It hurt so much his mind couldn’t even digest it, and it reeled with the fatal aftershocks.

The ache in his legs by his extended kneeling stance was drowned in the unsparing despair streaming through his blood like molten lava, heating him to an unlivable degree. He wheezed and sobbed, fresh tears swimming in his vision nonstop and gushing out in wave after wave of heartbreak.

The cold water battered his head and back in little pricks like hailstones, but any other sensation except for that gut-wrenching stranglehold around his heart was long forgotten and ignored.

He was ruined. Completely torn to shreds without Jungkook. He didn’t know how to exist without him. And the search of an answer to that dolorous question only wrung more tears out of him, vehement, hot tears, underlined with gasping breaths and convulsions.

Time seemed to flow without his awareness as he remained in torture, causing him to lose track of it, but tears kept coming and coming like an unending rainstorm.

The worst part of his wretchedness was that he had no idea how Jungkook felt. He offered him plenty of chances to tell him if he was in love with him too or not. But the only thing Jungkook did was change the subject or tell him it didn’t matter.

It wasn’t about if he was in love with him or not, though. It was about their moments together and everything they lived in these few days. If Jungkook really didn’t feel anything for him, what did all these moments mean? What were they? So many questions flitted like deadly darts through his mind, but they were all swept away by the rip current of suffering.

Two knocks tangled with his sobbing and the sound of the streaming water. He unburied his wrecked face from his palms in haste as a glimmer of hope glowed in the pit of his misery. It was Jungkook. It had to be. He couldn’t stay away from him either. He couldn’t let him leave either.

But his hopeful assumptions were steamrolled before he could even push himself off his mire of heartache.

“Tae? Please come out. We have to leave in forty minutes.”

Taehyung’s head hung at the sound of Hoseok’s voice. He slid a hand down his face that was a mess of tears and snot and rose to his feet through great struggle as his enfeebled body kept giving out. “How did you know... I was here?” His voice sounded as destroyed as his heart — so croaky and small.

“Seokjin told us. Jay asked him to tell us to come take you,” Jimin said.

The tears refused to stop, even though his sobs had quietened now. “Like he cares,” Taehyung murmured. He adjusted the temperature of the water to a bit warmer and began his shower with listless moves. “I’ll be out in a while.”

“Okay,” Hoseok uttered. “We’ve already packed your things for you, so don’t worry about that. See you in a bit.”

Taehyung didn’t respond. Even standing felt too strenuous. He felt like he didn’t want to exist. And he definitely didn’t want to exist in a world without Jungkook. He still didn’t know how to do that. It didn’t seem like he would ever find an answer to this question.

The fresh mounting wetness in his eyes spilled over again without sound. It cartwheeled down his cheeks throughout his shower and didn’t stop even after he finished.

He dragged his ponderous body back to the room and waited until Jimin opened the door for him.

The sight of him was one of the most heartbreaking they had ever seen. His eyes were so swollen and bloodshot, sunken into their sockets. They held tears in them that escaped here and there, trickling down his haggard features with the shadow of agony adorning them.

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