A Day in an Observer's life

How To: Cook

Me: Hello all! Vanilla here! Today, me, Ninja, and Lugia are going to attempt to teach England how to cook!

Ninja: It's worth a shot...

Lugia: Hey! If it doesn't work, maybe Nike can help?

Me: ...I have a feeling I know what would happen if you asked her to "help".

England: Hello ladies. America told me that you would help me make lunch?

Me, Ninja, and Lugia: Uh, yes...*thinking* Crap! If we fail, then everyone in the Allies will be forced to eat poison!

England: Are you alright:

Me, Ninja, and Lugia: YES! Let's get started, right? *nervous chuckle*

Me: *thinking*If this goes wrong, I should make some more food.

Ninja: *thinking* If this goes wrong, I'm gonna make extra food that's actually edible.

Lugia: *thinking* If this goes wrong, I'm telling Nike to get here to help.

~Timeskip~

Me: Okay Ig-I mean England, why don't you, uh, cut these tomatoes! Yeah, that's it!

England: *takes knife* OK, this should be easy!

Ninja: Are you sure we can trust him with a knife?

Me: Don't worry, it-

Lugia: LOOK OUT!

Me: Ack!*dodges flying knife*

England: Sorry!

Me:...I'm starting to regret this.

England: Oh dear...

Lugia: What did you do?!

England: Are chopped tomatoes supposed to look like this? *points to red mush*

Me: EEEEEEEEK!

Lugia: *sweatdrop* No...

Ninja: Should I start on the extra food?

Me: Yes!

England: No, it's okay! I can make...um...this! *grabs microwavable mac'n'cheese*

Me: That shouldn't be TOO hard to make...so okay.

~Timeskip~

Me: Lunch is-what's that smell?

Ninja: Smells like something is..burning...oh god.

Lugia: NIKE! GET YOUR A** OVER HERE!

Me: I'm gonna check it out...*walks into kitchen* what's going-WHAT THE F***?!

Ninja: What happ-*sees microwave on fire*...How?!

England: I don't know, I followed the instructions perfectly! I put it in for 33 minutes-

Me, Ninja, and Lugia: YOU'RE ONLY SUPPOSED TO PUT IT IN FOR 3 AND A HALF MINUTES!!!

England: Oh.

America: Hey, I thought I-...I'm gonna leave now.

Canada: I think I can sneak away...

China: Aiyah! What happened aru?!

Russia: We will not be eating this, da?

Me: Well, at least we were prepared. Sandwiches anyone?

Nike: I still have your ice cream gun...we can eat the ice cream from that.

Me: When did you get here?!

Nike: I'm the fourth wall! I'm sneakier than Ninja!

Ninja: Hey!

Me: I guess we learned that trying to teach England to cook is like trying to feed chocolate to a dog without getting it sick-a worthless effort.

Spain: *sees mushed tomato* NOOOOO!

Ninja: And to not let Spain see England cut tomatoes.