Sanegiyu| And I thought you hated me|

The meeting

Giyus pov| WARNING! MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND GAYNESS

I was walking through the westira trees the petals falling onto me though as relaxing and calming as it was I couldn't enjoy myself...I still had that lingering feeling of loneliness and dread hanging over me a small frown showering my face

Soon I reach the hashira meeting and lucky for me the only two there so far are Shinizagawa and iguro. Of course...this was going to be a pain . I walk over to the area and I stand close but yet so far away from them soon I notice Shinizagawa approaching me...strange....why was Shinizagawa coming towards me of all people...I thought he hated me. I thought as soon my thoughts are broken by a sudden yell from Shinizagawa 

"HEY ASSHOLE! WHY ARE YOU STANDING AWAY FROM US, YOU DIDNT EVEN SAY HELLO." 

I tensed up at the sudden noise but didn't reply I had Been expecting this from Shinizagawa and just tilted my head downward facing the ground and I let out a long sigh

"ASSHOLE ANSWER ME." Shinizagawa shreeked and then iguro chimed in "he's not going to answer after all he's different from us." 

"I envy them.." I muttered how could they be so care free and honest to people...I couldn't do anything like this myself. Not at all.

"ASSHOLE what was that!" The silence was broken by Shinizagawa.

"N-nothing.." why was I stuttering? A very light tint of pink dusted my cheeks I was embarrassed why was I stuttering all of a sudden I probably sounded so stupid. Right as iguros mask moved and he pointed at me kanroji bursted from the trees

"KYYAAAAA IGURO,TOMIOKA,SHINZAGAWA SANNNNN~" she shreeked and I covered my ears iguro glaring at me as I did so.

Soon the rest of the pillars arrived and I just kneeled once I heard masters voice along with the other hashira sanemi hadn't moved from my side and it felt strange yet he was constantly muttering curses and slurs under his breath at anything I said, I mean I didn't say much....but I could also feel his gaze on mine most of the time and it felt...wrong, but also felt,right, how could I describe this feeling non the less I listened closly to masters words and held my composure keeping my serious expression through the whole meeting,

At the end of the meeting shinzagawa followed me a few steps and I stopped turning to face him giving him a side eye. He was acting strange. Suddenly he spoke.

"HEY FUCKER. IVE BEEN MEANING TO ASK. WHY DO YOU SAY YOUR DIFFERENT FROM US." 

My eyes whidened and I couldn't think of anything to do instead I backed up slowly and then turned running off vivid images of Tsutako and sabito coursed through my mind MAKE IT STOP I screamed to myself wanting to die. I could hear sanemi following me so I took the long way to my estate and by the time I got there I thought I lost sanemi and walked in side letting out a long sigh, only one thing could help ease this pain now... I look at the stove and blink next thing I know I'm pulling up the sleeve of my haori and unwrapping the bandages around my wrists

"...there's not that many....I'll add more.." I said without thinking was I thinking? I don't even know what was going through my head...but I unsheathed my sword and placed it against my wrist cutting slowly I winced but didn't care a small smile covering my face to hide the pain and my eyes watered...I blink once more and then notice I had sheathed my katana and now was bandaging my wrists I don't even remember what happened....all I know is I cut myself once...but I can feel the stinging pain of multiple medium sized cuts and I sigh... I did it again...this time I don't even remember it. I think to myself and go to the sink washing myself I then walk to my room and strip off my uniform then I step into a cold shower letting the water hit my face and I take deep breaths

After I finish I let out a long sigh leaving the shower and wrapping a towel around my waist I then walk into my bedroom slipping on a loose pair of shorts and a tee shirt ploping onto my bed

"It is my fault...everything my fault." 

I close my eyes grabbing my folded haori off my nightstand and pull it close holding it up against my chest tightly as I dose off.

Sanemi pov| WARNING EXTRA GAY

I WAS SURPRISED by the water pillars sudden act of running offi  tryed following him but it made it seem awkward...why did I care if he was ok or not, I'm guessing I was just curious or maybe it was something else idk...

"Fucking asshole...he's probably gone back to his estate," 

I trudge through the forest Intill I find the water estate up on a hill by a small stream I sigh and swing open the door* "asshole can't even remember to keep his door locked?" I walk around the house and slowly open the door to his bedroom peering in he was sleeping..he looked kinda cu- I cut my thought off. Why the fuck am I thinking about tomioka that way. I sigh and lay in the bed with him facing the other way of course I'm straight I still miss kanae I'm just to tired to walk back to my own estate. But why did I want to snuggle him so bad...he was making small whimpering and sniffling noises in his sleep and it made sanemi want to squeeze the noises out of him but he didn't and soon dozed off in the bed facing away his back to giyu.