Bring Me Light [Editing]

Chapter 1 - Elena

I feel like the whole world was against me. Why, do you ask? Well, my sister died. From a brain tumor. My sister who was born without a right arm or either of her legs. Why take the disabled child's life? Why not mine? It's not like I'd be missing out on anything. But here's the thing: I loved my sister. She was my life, my light, my everything. Without her, I am literally nothing.

When Joy was first born, I was seven years old, eager to get the chance to be a big sister. When I first saw Joy, I didn't even notice the missing limbs. All I cared about was that I had someone to look after. It made me feel like I had a purpose in life. By the time Joy turned 2, I had noticed that Joy was different. I saw that she was not capable of many things that I was capable of, and that made me feel protective of her. I would never leave her side, and stick right by her through everything. When I turned 14, and she was dying, my life took a wrong turn off the main road.

Everything changed. Suddenly, all my parents seemed to be doing was signing papers, and making phone calls. The house swarmed with nurses and caretakers, and I was left to take care of my own self. Dinners were only made for Joy, and I usually had to go out and buy food, or groceries to make food, and Joy was not a part of my life anymore. I remember this because the first few weeks the nurses started coming regularly, I was overprotective of Joy. I stayed by her side, and seldom slept. Finally, a nurse came to me one morning, telling me "Joy needed her space." The nurse, Leila was her name, escorted me out of Joy's room, telling me everything would be okay. But it wasn't. I didn't see Joy after that until the moment she died. And after she died, I sank into the shadows, isolating myself from the world.

Shutting out supportive family, avoiding understanding friends and dodging schoolwork was easy after Joy died. This past year has been spent blaming myself for her death, yet now I know it was fate.

I hate fate.

--

"Elena, honey?"

I could hear my mother through my closed bedroom door, knocking ever so lightly. I actually think my mom might be a little bit scared of me now. Ever since I was diagnosed with depression, my mom has been really quiet and mouse-like, walking around the house with caution. Though I have no idea what she's really being cautious about, I have a feeling it's me.

"Elena, can I come in?" my mother is now sounding like a little kid who wants candy. I slowly get off my bed, trudging even slower toward the door. I haven't had a direct conversation with my mom for probably a month now. This is going to be interesting. Standing in front of my door, I can smell my mom's perfume. God, this is already hard. Joy used to wear that perfume. I take a deep breath, and open the door just slightly.

Locking eye contact with my mom is hard, but when I finally build up the courage to look her in the eye, I see that she is crying. I open the door until it's all the way open, and she steps forward to embrace me in a big hug. Not knowing exactly what is going on, or what to do, I just stand there, unmoving, letting her rest her head on my shoulder as she cries.

"I've missed you baby," she says, leaning back to look at me, then brushing a loose strand of hair out of my face. "Anything you want to talk about? I could go make a cup of tea, or we could go for a drive by the park, or we could-"

"No mom, I'm okay," I say. Immediately regretting it, I tell her that I will sometime soon.

"Sure baby," she says, giving me one more light hug before walking back down the hallway. I just stand in the doorway for a minute, even after my mother disappears around the corner. I wish my life were normal. I wish I had a normal, happy family. Because really, without Joy, there is no joy in this household.

--

"School is starting soon, Elena! Please let me take you shopping!" My mother yells through the other side of my door. She's been asking me to go shopping with her every day for weeks now. When will it ever end? Sighing, I open the door for my mother.

"Let's get this over with," I mumble, as she leads me out to her blue Sedan.

"So where do you want to go first honey?"

"I dunno? Sears, Target, Hot Topic, something else? I don't care."

"Well, why don't we start with Target."

My mom gives me a loving smile, making me feel even more bad for her, and myself. This is what she used to like to do for Joy. And now I guess I'm the next in line for this. I doubt she would ever take her friends. That would just be weird.

After our shopping spree, my mom took me out for frozen yogurt, even though I fully opposed of it. But I was - once again - dragged into it. Sitting on my bed, eating my dark chocolate and cake batter frozen yogurt, I scroll through the old pictures of my family back when everything was fine. Pictures of the four of us at the beach, or the park, or the aquarium. Joy loved the aquarium. She would point to the eels, or the sharks, and tell me some really intelligent fact about them. Joy was extremely smart, especially when it came to marine life. She was an amazing person, and I had faith in her that she would grow up and do great things. But then it happened. The brain tumor. The brain tumor that took Joy's life. The brain tumor that, in some ways, took my life too.

Even though I know it wasn't my fault, I can never forgive myself for her death.

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(A/N)

Man, Elena's a little dramatic, don't you think?

Hope you are enjoying this book so far!

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