a year's worth of secrets

chapter three

it completely disappeared.
my feelings for him completely disappeared.

i rarely thought about him. hardly ever did his name cross my mind.

all of my thoughts were not of him, unlike like before. before he made me lose interest.

days passed, and my feelings for him never returned.

he kept being an ass. which drove me away further each time. he asked me the most obvious questions, i mean he would annoy me all the damn time. i was annoyed to the point where it seemed like he would bug me on purpose. but i guess it wasnt on purpose? idek.

so basically, i didnt have feelings for him anymore. i had moved on.

days,
weeks,
and more
had gone by.

everyone questioned me about who i "liked". id tell them no one, but they wouldnt believe me. so id throw a random name at them, theyd say "really?!" and id say "yea sure, maybe him maybe someone else. the world may never know!" theyd just roll their eyes and walk away. but id walk away laughing.

i mean, why do people care? theyre just feelings, why would it matter?

this kept going on for a while. until one day, someone asked me the same question, and i answered the same way i always did.

but the thing was that i wasnt sure if i had meant what i said. i questioned myself about it. i felt weird, but not the normal weird, if that makes sense.

i repeated his name and the same questions in my mind over, and over, and over again.

i told myself i didnt, but i knew deep down inside that i did. i kept lying to myself.

i lied to myself every single time i saw him. which was every damn day. i lied to myself too much, too much that i finally told myself the truth. i admitted it to myself.

i didnt want it to be true, but i couldnt control my feelings.

i hated feeling this way about someone, or anyone. i hated it so much.

but i also liked the thrill of always thinking about a certain person, imagining things that i knew wouldnt happen between us, or even dreaming about that person and not wanting to wake up because the dreams felt so real.

but i still hated the feeling. especially because i couldnt get him off my mind, like ever. even if i tried my hardest, hed still be on my mind.

i guess you could say i "fell for him like a falling star".

its just... idk... he just...

he.
made.
me.
fall.
so.
damn.
hard.