Sanctuary | Chanbaek

Chapter Four

He tried his best not to show it on the outside, but mentally Baekhyun was a mess. Chanyeol didn't spend even a fourth of the time he usually did with Baekhyun anymore. He was never in his room or at the nurses' station. Most days he missed breakfast or came in so late that Baekhyun had already finished eating. Baekhyun tried his best to keep up with his routine, pretending the sudden distance didn't hurt and confuse him. Minseok and Kyungsoo had been right by his side the second he sat down alone for the first time for breakfast. Jongin, Jongdae, and Nayeon followed suit.

It wasn't that he didn't appreciate what they were doing for him, refusing to let him be alone. He just wanted Chanyeol. He felt like a part of him had gone missing. Honestly, he didn't even understand why he was being avoided. Yes, he had snapped at Chanyeol, but this level of cold shoulder seemed overbearing. He regretted that night so much in so many different ways. He regretted becoming so upset and hated how he had come off as ungrateful for the way that Chanyeol had been treating him. He was so unbelievably grateful for everything Chanyeol had done for him yet Baekhyun basically repaid him with a slap to his face. Most of all he hated how he had pulled himself from Chanyeol's warm embrace. Now he spent his days longing to feel it just one more time.

"I keep trying to apologize to him but every time I go to find him he's never around. I'm so hurt and so mad at him at the same time for not seeming interested in fixing this." He was on the floor of his room, this time joined by Kyungsoo. Jongin had gone out with Chanyeol and a couple of others to scavenge, so the two were having a makeshift sleepover.

"Maybe he just needs space away from you before he can let himself try and figure out what he wants." Kyungsoo was on his back, staring up at the ceiling in thought. "It's obvious he cares about you, he probably misses you just as much."

"Well he's dumb and he needs to let me apologize." This is why he needed Kyungsoo's logical thinking for the night. He wasn't the best at piecing things together when he was emotional.

"Baekhyun, listen. If he doesn't talk to you in a week I will ask Jongin to personally threaten him. Is that what you want to hear?" This made Baekhyun snort, but he didn't reply. He didn't know what he wanted other than to sit on the tile with Chanyeol and eat and act as if nothing had happened. He wanted someone to walk him to meals and wait for him to wash the dishes so that he also didn't have to walk back alone. He wanted to stop pretending like he didn't notice Chanyeol's care for him.

He felt alone again. Despite being surrounded by friends who were doing their best to show that they cared for him and that they weren't going to leave him. He still felt alone in a way that nobody except for Chanyeol could change. He didn't know how to handle that. Chanyeol was a piece of him now, no matter how he wanted to look at it. No matter if he wanted to admit it to himself or his friends. He wasn't full without Chanyeol in his life.

The next morning they enjoyed eggs again. He worried so much about any of them going back to the farm and he wanted to do as he usually would and playfully scold Chanyeol for going back. He just couldn't. He couldn't even bring himself to try and go up to apologize anymore. He didn't know what he would do if faced with any more rejection. He would just have to leave Chanyeol alone. He would surround himself with his friends. Maybe he would pick up a new hobby. He could accept Sana and Jihyo's offer for him to have sleepovers in the couple's room. If he tried hard enough and stayed busy enough, surely he could move on.