Bawat Piyesa

Special Chapter III

Let go.

Selene

tw // mention of death and self harm

Ang hirap. Ang hirap magpatuloy kapag wala yung taong kinakapitan mo sa buong buhay mo. All i wanted to do right now was lay on my bed and cry my heart out.

But everytime that i want to cry, walang luha. Maybe my tears are also tired kaya walang lumalabas.

I stared at the ceiling thinking if i should end my life here. If i should go and see my grandma na nasa langit.

I locked myself in my room. I put her clothes on my pillow at yakap yakap ito sa gabi.

My friends are always here sa bahay pero hindi ko sila kinakausap. I don't know where to start my life. After weeks of ghosting them, i broke up with my boyfriend.

Ayaw ni Mikey but he respected my decision and it pains me seeing him in that kind of situation. He's sunshine. That's the first time i saw him cry.

Maybe letting go of someone you once loved ay selfish but it was all for your best. Para sa inyo rin 'to.

Kaya sana kapag dumating na yung oras na pwede pa, sana kaya pa isalba.

Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko sa buhay ko. Hindi ko alam saan ako mag uumpisa. I just want to sleep and stay in my dreams forever. Kasi sa panaginip ko, nandoon si Lola.

Everytime na may urge na gawin ko yung hindi ko na ginagawa. I will always just close my eyes and pray silently. I don't want to repeat that again. Kung mamatay man ako mas gusto ko dahil sa sakit hindi sa gantong paraan.

Someone knocked on the door kaya tumigil ako sa pagtingin sa kisame. "Selene, labas naman tayo. Miss ka na namin." Senju said.

I didn't responded sa tawag nila. Bumalik na lang ako sa ginagawa ko and i saw a notebook. I slowly opened it and to my surprise may nakasulat dito. It was Lola's diary.

My memories with my apo, Selene.

I opened it and her diary started with a letter. There's also a picture of me na bagong silang pa lang. I read every letter na nasa diary niya and what makes me tear up is yung picture namin ni Mikey and her.

This was taken when she introduced her beloved boyfriend, Manjiro. I love him. He makes my granddaughter feel loved and taken care of. That's the only thing that i want for a guy, ang alagaan ang apo ko.

Next photo ay yung magkakasama ang Section Uno.

My granddaughter finally found her second home. I'm glad to meet these amazing people. I love how they are so nice to my apo.

Like they always said, Section Uno Hanggang Dulo. I hope they last forever. I hope they stay like this hanggang sa tumanda sila.

I wiped my tears at inilipat sa susunod na page. It was a photo of white dress na size niya.

I still remember Jiro. He told me everything about your first meet at ipinaalam sa 'kin na pakakasalan ka niya kapag financially stable na.

Sana nandito pa ako nun at kung wala man, lagi mong tandaan na nakabantay ako sayo.

Next ay picture mo sa hospital na katabi si Mikey habang tulog kayong dalawa.

This photo will forever be my favorite. Thank you for visiting me, apo. Kahit pagod kayo galing sa school nagagawa niyo pa ring dalawin ako.

Mukhang hindi na ako magtatagal dito, apo. Pasensya na kung mauuna na si Lola. Alam naman na ni Mikey ang gagawin.

Don't worry, i am always proud of you. Mahal na mahal kita, apo.

Ang dami pang pages pero hindi ito natapos. I hugged her diary and silently sobbed. "I-i miss you."

"Please, visit me in my dreams." I whispered.

If only there's a visiting hours in heaven baka nakausap ko na siya. Baka nayakap ko na siya. Baka nasabi ko na lahat ng mga gusto kong sabihin sa kanya.

I just cried everything out hanggang sa maubos. Hanggang sa gumaan. Hanggang sa makatulog ako.

I woke up and the whole scenery was full of flowers, trees, and green grass. There's also a small river and i saw someone.

Someone that i badly need to hug, my grandma. Agad akong tumayo and slowly walk towards her. She's sitting under the tree holding a book.

"Lola?" I asked.

Agad naman itong nag angat ng tingin and it was really her. She looks so young and happy. "Apo, kanina pa kita hinihintay."

I immediately sat down and hugged her tight. I sobbed on her arms and she wrapped her arms around me. Hindi siya nagsasalita. She just caressed my back.

It feels like home. It feels so great seeing her again. Kumalas ako sa pagkakayakap and she smiled at me. She cupped my cheeks and gently wiped my tears. "Okay ka na?"

"Lola, please come home na." I said. "I badly need you."

Ngumiti lang siya at umiling. "Apo, i can't do that." She said. "Hindi na pwede."

"Lola, i don't really know kung paano ako magco continue na wala ka sa tabi ko."

She smiled and pinched me cheeks. "I am actually sad. Seeing you in that kind of situation hurts me. Please, apo." She said.

"Lola, please."

Umiling lang ito. "You should come back to your friends. They're waiting for you."

"Please, live your life to the fullest. That's all i want for you." She said.

She hugged me for one last time. "I am proud of you always, apo ko. Please don't give up. Please, live your life with your friends."

Nagising ako dahil sa sikat ng araw na nanggaling sa bintana ko. I slowly sat up on my bed at tumutulo na naman ang luha sa mata mo. It was all a dream. Sa panaginip ko na nga lang siya nakita ganoon pa ang nangyari.

But something inside me changes, i don't feel empty. The door opened at agad na yumakap sayo si Emma. "Please, don't do this again. Wag mo na kami iwanan. Wag mo na i-lock sarili mo."

"We're here for you." Hina said.

"We love you, Selene. Don't worry. Kasama mo kami sa healing phase mo." Ashlyn said.

You sobbed in her arms kaya niyakap ka nila. "Shh... it's okay to be vulnerable."

"Iiyak mo lang." Sabi ni Senju.

"She'll always live in our hearts and minds. Hindi ka iniwan ni Lola Sol, she's a part of you." Ashlyn reminded.

She's a part of me. She became something that i can still hold on to. Na kahit wala siya physically, i know that she's guiding me.

I looked at her photo and smiled. "I love you, Lola."

I am finally letting go of her so she could live freely and happily sa afterlife. I only wish one thing na sana masaya na siya ngayon kung nasaan siya.

I love you. You will always live in my heart.