Freak Hearts

Felix

You know that feeling when you're in love but as hard as you try you know it isn't fair to the other person because you're too damaged and you don't want them to be in pain... And to be fair, you're pretty sure they don't even know who you are.

I had been staring off into space and when I looked back down at my paper it's covered in hearts I had drawn without thinking, they were surrounding a name, his name, Axel. I rolled my eyes, I was helpless. I had been madly in love with him since fifth grade. I don't know why I can't let it go, it's a stupid crush that means nothing. Honestly I doubt he even knows my name if he knows I exist, that is, I was the school loser. Not a friend in sight, it wasn't like I was a nerd or anything, frankly I was the opposite. I hated school with a burning passion, I couldn't wait to get out. But god, he made it worth coming everyday. Even though I could never talk to him, he was beautiful, a piece of art, I marveled at his beauty. I spent all my classes dreaming about how different everything would be if by some miracle he liked me and we were together.

I could feel my face growing red as I thought about him again, I quickly took a sip of water and willed my face to become normal again. I glanced around hoping no one saw, and as usual not a single person was looking my way. I'm lucky I always get to class early enough to sit in the very back. I turn my attention back to my notebook and flip to a new page. I start copying down the homework on the board, as if I'm actually going to do it. Once I finish I lean back in my chair pulling my sleeves farther down my arms so they cover my hands wincing slightly as the fabric pulls on my band-aid. I readjust the material so it doesn't pull again, I roughly clench the fabric in my fists so it won't move and I notice my black nail polish is chipping and I need to fix that at some point. Sighing, I glanced up again as I was getting the feeling that someone was staring into the side of my head.

My breath catches in my throat, why is he looking at me? Of all people, why is it him looking at me? His shimmering blue eyes bore into mine with the intensity of the sun. I tear my eyes away after a second with only one thought. Axel.