This Life is Mine

1

TWs: Past scars, painful memories/broken promises, mention of killing/suicide attempt. Stay safe :)

'Jeg lovte.'

Mismatched eyes opened reluctantly, not wanting to see another day. He had the same dream again, the same memory. It was like a broken record, replaying in his mind, repeating every night, recounting what happened before it all went wrong.

He blamed himself. He made a promise that he couldn't keep.

Getting up with a grunt, Tord heaved himself out of bed and prepared for the day. As he adjusted his robot arm, he glanced at the ring on his bedside table. He frowned as he gazed at it sadly, reaching over to take his eyepatch.

He shook his head, heading into the bathroom. He hated seeing his reflection in the mirror; his face was riddled with past scars, his neck and shoulder, and parts of his chest also scratched up. His hair managed to grow, even if it looked uneven on one side. The caramel locks were at his shoulders, probably tangled like every other day.

It reminded him of how Pat kept his hair; only his was neater, and he knew what he was doing.

Tord had no idea what he was doing as he grabbed a hairbrush and went at it. He was in a world of his own while getting ready.

'I should call a meeting regarding...' Tord stopped, his hands fiddling with his belt. He pressed his lips thinly, feeling his hands shake slightly. He huffed as he finished tightening the belt around his coat, 'Right.'

Before he left, he looked at himself in the mirror, getting a view of himself in the blue and red uniform. He winced, quickly storming out before he could berate himself.

The hallway was well-lit, and security cameras were scattered throughout the hidden structure. Tord was about to make his way to the planning room when he figured everyone would be in the dining area instead.

Changing directions, Tord made his way down the hall, hearing faint voices coming from the room. He stopped by the open door, hesitating before going inside.

He noticed how everyone grew quiet as he walked past, how their gazes followed him as he sat in the corner by himself.

He heard someone walk up and sit in the chair beside him, "Red?"

"Pat." Tord rasped, not having used his voice much in days.

"What's been happening?" His father asked.

Tord steadily looked up at him, noticing Matt and Tom sitting at the other table, "I don't know..."

"I think you do know." Pat leaned in, "You locked yourself in your room after you heard Edd-"

"Don't." Tord glared, "Don't bring it up."

Pat looked at him, "Tord. You need to face him."

Tord shook his head, "I can't- I won't-"

"He's going to get hurt if no one's watching him. He nearly killed his past self; do you really think he's safe by himself?"

Tord averted his gaze, glaring at the table. He heard Pat sigh.

"I should continue making breakfast..." He muttered as he stood up and walked away. The red leader said nothing, choosing to fiddle with his hands as he heard his friends whispering to each other.

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"So, are we gonna talk about..." Matt trailed off as he sat down at the long table. He gestured with his hand, "Y'know?"