Snow on the Beach - S.CONKLIN

04

I don't know when my crush for Steven first developed, I just remember that one day, I woke up with butterflies in my stomach after dreaming about him. And since then, those feelings have just been kind of there, at the back of my mind. I think it might have started when he taught me how to play cards. I remember it well, like it was yesterday, the memories resubmerging to my mind.

It was one afternoon during mid-July, a week before my eleventh birthday. There was a thunderstorm so all of us were stuck in the house, trying to entertain ourselves the best we could. Belly had decided to watch a movie with Laurel and Susannah. My mother was working remotely in our bedroom and I stayed with the boys, more interested to be near Steven even if that meant my cousins finding me annoying.
"Can't you go with Belly?" Jeremiah complained. "We wanna be just us, boys."
"No." I said, sticking my tongue out to tease him. He replicated the gesture and we grimaced at each other like two immature kids, until Conrad stopped us. Taking his role as the eldest always so seriously.
"Don't be a baby, Jere. Nols can stay." Conrad said as Jere sighed. He then turned over to Steven. "Is that okay with you?"
"Uh." Steven glanced at me and that was the first time I stopped breathing from meeting his eyes. "Sure. You know how to play poker?" I shook my head and he shrugged. "Okay, then you can play with me for this round."

I recall my smile going wide, making my cheeks hurt as I scooted closer to him. We were all sitting on the floor in Jeremiah's bedroom, an empty box of Cap'n Crunch in the middle used as our poker table. Steven started shuffling the cards in his hands before passing two cards to Jeremiah, two to Conrad and finally to him. He checked his cards and leaned forward to show them to me. I glanced briefly at the cards and my eyes went right back to his face.
"If you wanna play, you gotta check the cards." Steven nudged me with his shoulder and I nodded, my head quickly turning to make it seem like I was looking at the cards. But my mind was only focused on the fact our shoulders were touching.
"Are these good?" I asked.
"We'll see. Right now, they're meh but it's going to depend on the flop." He whispered.
"What's that?"
"Usually there's a dealer that draw three cards and place them in front of us but today, that's going to be me since we're short on players. The flop is those cards. It's kind of the guideline for a game."

I nodded despite not understanding a single information of what he had just said but still, he looked so beautiful doing it. I tried to follow throughout their whole poker game but my attention would always get caught whenever our fingers brushed each other or when our knees bumped together. Plus, their game was endless so as a ten years old, I obviously lost interest. I never even saw the end because eventually I had fallen asleep, on the carpeted floor of Jeremiah's bedroom. I woke up to Steven shaking me gently.
"Did we won?" I yawned, gazing around to notice the sun had set. Steven snorted, pressing his lips together to trap his laugh and I quickly returned my attention to him. "What?" I frowned, I didn't understood why he was laughing at me?
He kneeled by my side, still giggling. "No, we didn't. But that's okay because this is so much better." He stretched his arm, raising a hand toward my cheek. My heartbeat picked up, apprehending his touch on my skin when all afternoon, it had been stolen by the fabrics of my shirt and pants, but instead I was left with a painful sensation called embarrassment. I probably fell asleep on some of the cards because when Steven draw his hand back, he pulled one of them from my cheek, probably glued by my nap sweat and the humidity of the storm.
"Ace of hearts. I probably would have won if I had had that card." He chuckled, flicking the face of the card toward me and I groaned, wanting to disappear because of how embarrassed I felt. Yet, Steven didn't seemed like he had picked up on it, he just laughed. He straightened himself up on his feet and offered me his hands. "Come on. It's dinnertime."

My eyes flickered between his hands and his face, hesitating. In my ten year old mind, the almost-touching from earlier didn't meant anything really because they were accidents but this, holding his hand, it made my heart skipped a beat and I liked it, this dizzying feeling he made me experience. I was addicted and I wanted more. I gently interlocked our hands and Steven helped me get back up. But before following him downstairs, I waited until he was out of the room and picked up the Ace of hearts, hiding it in my pocket and later on, under my mattress. Forever. I wonder if it's still there?