To Bind in Blood

Chapter 38

Wrell spent the next day in bed, feeling too sick to get up. With three binds severed, she wondered how she had not grown accustomed to it-but the sensation was still new, the loss as fresh as if it were her first. She felt the effects all over, her face, her stomach, her limbs. Worst of all was the feeling in her heart, that emptiness that she had feared. Thankfully she was too disoriented to be able to dwell much on it.

Audred was gone all day, returning late in the evening. Wrell heard the door close, then heard footsteps as Nirsan entered her room. A hand touched Wrell's forehead. "You have a fever."

"I know." She turned her head, pulling the blankets up higher around her. It was cold too; she felt it inside and out. But she was too tired to bother with the extra blanket draped over the foot of her bed.

"Have you eaten anything?" Nirsan eyed the untouched plate of bread and cheese by the bed. "I suppose not."

"I'm not hungry."

"Here." Nirsan picked up a cup and held it in front of Wrell's face. "Drink some water."

Wrell tried to argue, but Nirsan insisted, helping her sit up against the pillows. Part of her was thankful for Nirsan's brusque manner. It reminded her of the times before, when they had known and put up with each other like family.

She took the cup of water and drank, but the warm liquid slid down her throat like blood. "You've been at the estate?"

"Yes. The Great Lord is recovering, and the bloodbind is scheduled for tomorrow. The Empress sent a request that you be one of the witnesses for the ceremony. Will you go?"

The news was somewhat of a shock. It was a bit cruel, wasn't it? To ask her to be a witness at the bloodbinding ceremony of someone she had just been severed from. To watch as someone else took her place? "I do not think . . . I do not think I can face him."

Nirsan gave no visible reaction. "All right. I will tell her."

"She may be angry," Wrell said. Nadeina would likely not take kindly to being refused. But would she understand?

"I will tell her you are still recovering." Nirsan took the cup from Wrell and set it back on the table with a hollow thump. "They plan to leave the day after the bind."

Wrell could not stop the tightening of her chest. She had lost Gaelin, and now Jurion was set to leave, gone where she could not protect him.

"What are your plans?" Nirsan asked.

"I do not know."

"You are welcome to stay with me. I could help you find a job-"

"I do not think I want to stay here." There was too much loss. Too many memories. Besides, he would not be gone forever; he would return eventually, sometimes accompanied by his wife. Perhaps one day with his children.

As much as Wrell cared for Malius and Eira and Pierrne, she knew she could not stay.

Nirsan pushed the plate of food closer to the side by Wrell. "Whatever you decide, know you are welcome to stay as long as you need."

"I will leave as soon as I can. I would not want to inconvenience you."

A frown lurked at the corners of Nirsan's mouth. "We were like family, Wrell; you know I still consider you the same. You are the one who has changed, and while I can understand some of it, I cannot understand all of it. Why you pretend we were not once sisters, for instance."

How should she answer? How could she answer? She wanted to close herself off to Nirsan's questions, but with everything that had happened, with her lack of energy to fight it . . . she found she could not. Audred Nirsan had once been privy to nearly every secret thanks to a bloodbind. The bind might be gone, but Wrell knew that for Nirsan some friendships ran deeper than blood.