Steve's POV
WHEN I WOKE at 4:00 am, and saw the space next to me on the bed empty, my mind automatically went to the worst.
"Bucky tried to kill himself again," I thought as I jumped out of the bed, and raced to the bathroom, where the last incident had taken place. At first glance, the bathroom looked empty, but as I looked closer, I found Bucky siting on the floor behind one of the cabinets. He had his knees to his chest, his head on his knees, shoulders shaking. I could tell he had another dream.
"Hey, Buck," I said softly as I approached him and knelt on the floor. "You had another dream, didn't 'cha?" He raised his head so I could see the tears streaming down his face, and his brown eyes becoming more and more watery.
"I-I, killed you, Steve," he wailed hysterically. "My mission was complete, and you were dead. I shot you, then snapped your neck, Steve!" He added, quietly.
By now, my own eyes were watering, threatening to spill over; not for fear of what Bucky dreamt, but just seeing the pain it caused him. I reached out to him, and pulled him close to me.
"Bucky, you did not kill me. I'm still right here, and still madly in love with you. That man in your dreams is not Bucky. He is a product of HYDRA, which you are not. The Winter Soldier is, but you aren't him anymore. You're my Bucky. "
My words cause a brief smile to flutter on his lips, but then the tears returned.
"Steve, how can you love a monster?" he choked.
"You are many things, but a monster? No. You are brilliant, kind, loving, handsome, and mine." I said, as I kissed his forehead. "I love you, Bucky, don't ever forget that."
"I-I love you to-o, Steve." he said as he pulled me in for a real kiss. His lips felt as good then as they always did; smooth, soft, and tasted like Bucky. He used his tongue to part my lips, and our tongues danced together as we continued.
When we finally pulled apart, I told him I loved him once more, then he rested his head on my shoulder and fell asleep almost instantly.
I watched his chest rise and fall with each rhythmic breath he took, and eventually mine took the same pattern.
He looked so peaceful as he slept, and I prayed he wouldn't have another nightmare tonight. "How could you ever be a monster," I thought, as I wrapped my arms around him and fell asleep between two cabinets, with the love of my life.
Bucky's POV
WHEN THE SUNLIGHT came crashing in through the bathroom window, I raised my head and saw Steve had wrapped his arms around me. He looked like a little boy with his arms wrapped around a teddy bear. His mouth was turned slightly upwards into a slight smile. I always loved the way he slept. He hardly ever woke from deep slumber, and it was usually only when he felt the empty space in the bed. I hated to move and wake him, but my neck had a huge crick in it, and my prosthetic was being more painful then usual. I had to get the pain meds before the pain launched me into another episode. I gently pried Steve's arms from my torso, and wiggled out, trying to make as little noise as possible. But somehow, my efforts still did not prevail, and he began to stir when I stood. He looked up at me, groggily.
"Bucky? What's going on?" He murmured.
"Nothing, Steve. Now go back to sleep. I just need my pain meds for my arm."
"Is it bothering you again?" He asked, seeming more awake. "You know, we can have Bruce and Stark work with it some more." He continued, sitting up now.
"I'll be okay, Steve. It hurts worse when they tinker with it anyways."
Steve nodded and stood up. His blue eyes had almost completely lost that sleepy haze, and were wide again. He reached for my (real) hand, and pulled me into the living area, and into the kitchen. He pulled several bottles out of the cabinet.
"Steve," I said, perplexed. "Whose medications are those?" I said reaching for one of the bottles. He smacked my hand away. "Buck, they're mine. My doctor said my PTSD was starting to trigger a depression, so he put me on some meds. It's not a big deal."
I just stared at him, feeling mixed emotions. Why wouldn't he tell me?
"Steve.." I said, quietly. "Why wouldn't you tell me about this? It is a big deal. A REALLY big deal." I said as my eyes filled up with tears. The last person I expected secrets from was Steve.
"Bucky, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just didn't want to put any extra stress on you."
I sighed and pulled into him for a hug. I rested my head on his shoulder and he swayed back and forth.
"Promise you'll tell me big things like this from now on?" I asked.
"I promise. I love you, Bucky." He said. I closed my eyes. "I love you more than everything, Steve. Please don't leave me." I said pulling off his shoulder, making eye contact with him. "I promise, Bucky. You can't leave me either, okay?"
"Of course not," I murmured, pulling in for one of his fantastic kisses, when a sharp pain shot through my shoulder.
"Shit!" I yelled, reaching for the bottle of pain meds. I shook two out of the bottle and swallowed them dry. I turned around and saw Steve's worry-stricken face. "I'm okay, I promise. It was just one of the shocks." I said. He eyed me cautiously, then pulled me back in for that kiss. He bit my lip gently, and then harder. He kissed me harder and harder, and he was backed up to the counter. He pulled away, breathless. "I love you, Bucky Barnes, and I am never letting you leave me." He whispered in my ear. Those words always meant so much to me, and I always wished I could say something equally as sweet, but instead I blushed and pulled in for round two.
