Reflections

Nathanial, May 15th

I glance over at the small digital clock beside my desk. 2:54 a.m. I look down at the random sketches and doodles on my desk and sigh. This was the fifth time this week that I couldn't get to sleep. I don't know why though, I don't think I have insomnia but it sure seems like it. Lately, I haven't wanted to sleep anyway. There's been a lot that's going on in my life, but I don't want to think about that right now. If I don't get any sleep tonight I'll for sure fall asleep in class tomorrow. I can't let that happen again, I've already been in trouble enough this year and adding on to the trips to the office is not going to help my future whatsoever. The future. The very thing I'm afraid of. The terror of knowing that every move I make will reflect the outcome of my life. Knowing that everything, down to the last little detail, I do will and is accounted for. One little mistake could screw everything up. I can't have that. I'm supposed to be the perfect child, the role model. I'm supposed to set an example for my younger siblings but I haven't been doing a very good job of that. It's the same at school too. You know, the smart, athletic, popular kid who is friends with everyone and is always positive. But no. That may be what it seems like, but in reality, this 'role model' is falling apart at the seams.