Peel me
stab like a fencer
until I can feel you again
It's always been there. He comes to the conclusion. Yet still refusing its admittance to himself. Not that it would ever change anything in his life at this point.
Some things would probably mean even less than anything else.
He's still shaking from the thought alone but not because of what happened.
He's shaking because of what HE did...
"There's no other way.
Yes there is.
I was right. We are the same."
No, he must NOT think like that...
But if he was being honest it was too late now. All his childhood he's been attracted to the mind of his own father who had been a ruthless calculating killer and that was like a honey to the flies.
Even if he was scared and disgusted with his old man part of him still found all that fascinating and captivating. And it served as a huge part of what his calling had been all these years.. contrary to his mother's opinion he was still in denial that secretly this pull has gotten stronger as the years passed. Unfortunately his family could be awfully persistent...
Heal me
spread like a cancer
until I can feel all this pain
It was infectious feeling now that he could tell some things were always the same no matter what... he tried to smash all those urges and feelings just because he knew how his family would look at him...
The memory of that one day brought back all he tried to deny...
Were they not the same if he could just as simply plan a way to kill the man with whatever was laid out for him as the killer himself? How it's his denial to accept the fact he wasn't any different in that regard if he was just like the man?
Their only difference was that he actually wasn't killing people...
But then how do you call when you just do what has always been inside you and nagged at your being?
"You know there is a point where you can pierce the heart and not affect a single coronary artery. You can be stabbed right here, and somehow emerge perfectly fine. But naturally, the margin for error is nil. If you miss the target, the heart will fail and no surgeon, not even me, can save you then. It's like threading the eye of a needle."
He'd barely flinched in the very moment... if he'd been there alone...
That's where he knew deep inside..
