The Price of a Secret

1 | PROMISES AND DECEPTIONS

Year 1998

Lost in her thoughts, Elizabeth finds herself observing her life through someone else's eyes. She hears the music, the laughter, and the joy in the background, but she can't connect with the surroundings until someone catches her attention:

"He's wonderful, isn't he? You hit the jackpot", one of her bridesmaids said. Who was she again? Ah, yes. A second cousin. Elizabeth didn't have many friends, so she settled for the bridesmaid recommendations her mother suggested. In fact, she settled for everything: the ceremony, the reception, the guests, and her husband.

Not that he wasn't a good man. He was. And very handsome too. But she felt that something was different. She thought that maybe time could fix it.

"Yes. The jackpot", she repeats the words, looking at him.

The party unfolds merrily, but her distress doesn't subside. In fact, it intensifies even more. What would the wedding night be like? He agreed to wait until after the wedding to finally consummate their marriage, but even with the wait, her panic doesn't diminish. Would she have the courage to trust again?

The fog of the past still clouds her eyes. Hands, clothes, touches... everything comes back to her mind, and her body freezes with revulsion. She fears she won't be able to surrender to the man who is now her husband. But if she managed it once, why wouldn't she be able to do it again? He has been so understanding, she thought, he will continue to be on our wedding night.

There will be no honeymoon trip, which consoles her. Despite the choice, there isn't much to celebrate. She prefers to bury herself in her studies and forget that she ever dreamed of a different life. A life of her own.

Despite the misfortunes of fate, Elizabeth managed to return to her studies. With his help, she enrolled in the Dentistry college, fulfilling a dream. As a dear friend, he offered to pay for her education, and she knew she could never repay such kindness.

So, why was she so tense? She knew him. She knew he loved her.

In the hotel room, her legs tremble in despair. She doesn't have the courage to wear the lingerie her mother chose for the wedding night. There's not that much intimacy for that. Would it be better to put it on, crawl under the covers, and turn off the lights? Yes, that would definitely help.

When he enters through the door, Elizabeth's breathing becomes heavy. She was afraid of having an anxiety attack and fainting.

"Elizabeth?" he says, turning on the lights.

"Please, could you keep the lights off?" she says, hiding.

A mischievous smile forms on his lips.

"Are you ashamed of me?"

"No. It's just that I'm not used to this".

"But I want to see you".

Oh no! See her? Why? This was worse than she imagined.

"Please", she pleads.

"Alright. Then let's leave the bedside lamp on, okay?" he suggests.

Yes, that she could do, although it wasn't the best solution.

He removes his tie and starts unbuttoning his shirt. He throws it aside and continues taking off his pants, socks, and underwear.

Elizabeth quickly scans his body with her eyes, but she can't look at him directly. She didn't dare look at his member. Embarrassment clouds her vision.

When he approaches the bed, panic takes her over completely, and her body instantly chills. She begins to realize that she might actually faint, and that disturbs her even more.

"Calm down, my dear. I won't hurt you. It'll be good. You'll see".

She tried to calm down, but her heart was racing.

She didn't know why everything had been so easy before, but now it seemed impossible.

To distract herself, she tried to think about biochemistry calculations. She felt her mind wandering, and her body finally relaxed. Could this be the solution? Deceiving the mind?

When he touched her, she felt a shock through her body. But it wasn't the same shock as before, of excitement, but rather a shock of fear, of desperation. Not even the biochemistry calculations could save her from this.

He got closer and kissed her. That, she could do. She had kissed him so many times that it would be easy to surrender. He deepened the kiss and got under the covers with her. She felt the warmth of his body and tried to calm down to enjoy the moment. It couldn't be that hard, right?

Then, he kissed her neck, opening her nightgown. There, in that hotel bed, she felt as exposed as before, but now, nothing was safe.

Completely naked before him, she tried to divert her thoughts to feel the moment while he kissed her body. She felt uncomfortable, but she thought she could get used to it.

But before he even began, he placed his body on top of hers and, in a swift motion, penetrated her. Elizabeth felt as if she were being stabbed. The pain was excruciating, and memories of that dreadful past flooded her mind.

"Stop, please".

"What's wrong? Don't you like it?"

"It hurts", she said, almost crying.

"You'll get used to it".

And in that moment, she knew it was wrong. Everything was wrong. Had she made the right choice?

That act didn't seem like love.

Elizabeth felt raped.