The Price of a Secret

3 | BITTER DISCOVERIES

Sitting on the bathroom floor with the shower running, as the water cascaded over her body, Elizabeth cried desperately. She felt violated, as if her body had been desecrated. All the anguish and repulsion she had experienced before came back like haunting ghosts. She had never felt such disgust and despair. But more than that, she felt disappointed. She had hoped that Mason would be more considerate and understanding, but now she realized it wouldn't be the case. So, she would have to learn to deal with it. But for now, all she could do was cry to cleanse her soul.

The next day, she managed to clear her mind of the devastation. She greeted Mason at breakfast and accepted the kiss he offered. It was her fault, after all. She was the strange one. She didn't give in. So, she had to resolve this on her own. If not resolve, at least accept it and move on.

"When do classes start?" Mason asked, reading his newspaper.

"Early September. I still have two weeks of vacation", she replied, pouring herself a cup of black coffee.

"Alright. I'll have to travel next week, but I'll be back before your classes start".

"Where are you going?" Elizabeth asked, intrigued.

"Business, my dear. Don't worry about it".

"Alright".

Elizabeth didn't understand why, but she felt a twinge of discomfort. As if something wasn't right. But she ignored the feeling and moved on.

"When can we go to our house?" she asked, munching on a muffin.

"I believe by the end of the week. The painting is almost finished".

"Wow, Mason. I never imagined myself living in a more rural area, but despite being a bit far from the University, I'm loving the idea. It's much calmer".

"Yes, my dear. Alpine is charming, and we're close to the urban center of San Diego, and only an hour away from the University of California".

Ah, the University! Why did UC San Diego School of Medicine have to be in La Jolla? Since she started studying there a year ago, wherever Elizabeth looked, she searched for Simon. Not that she wanted to find him, and she couldn't, but she searched. In every dark hair, every dark eye, every tanned body, she saw a bit of him, and it was slowly killing her. Nevertheless, the University made her stronger. She closed herself within the walls, trying to forget the outside world. She didn't allow herself to walk the streets or beaches of La Jolla even once. She couldn't go back to that dreamlike setting and risk seeing him. It was easier to ignore that she was in the same place as him and try to live a life that wasn't hers.

How could she forget him if she kept looking for him? And if she found him, what would she do? Surely she would run away because she couldn't destroy him. She made a choice and needed to stick to it.

"This week, we'll also pick up your car from the dealership. I don't want you driving that old car".

"That's kind of you, Mason, but my car is fine".

"Regardless, it's safer. Soon, we'll have the motorcycle too".

Despite Elizabeth's father fearing motorcycles, she had always wanted to ride one, so she decided to get her license. But since that happened, she hadn't had the opportunity to practice, as they didn't have one yet. That could be something to distract her. What would it feel like to ride a motorcycle along La Jolla Beach and feel free? Could it take her to another planet?

And so, Elizabeth spent the day daydreaming about dreams, plans, and worlds she would never have.

As night fell, the feeling of suffocation returned. Would Mason want to possess her again? That's exactly how she felt: possessed. Sex wasn't something shared; it was a struggle for dominance. Mason was the dominator, and she was the dominated. She didn't know how to face that. Neither biochemistry nor physiology could distract her mind. The feeling of being violated was too overwhelming.