WHAT HAPPENED IN NEW YORK WASN'T MY FAULT ~angst~

THEY ALL JUST SEE ME AS THE VILLAIN!

LOKI'S PRONOUNCE IN THIS CHAPTER:
She/They

LOKI'S POV:

Thor and I arrived in Asgard, my brother is looking at me in disgust.
But he doesn't know that it wasn't my fault. I didn't want to do this, but no one is listening to me.
It was Thanos who controlled me all this time.
The moment I woke up in the Stark Tower,
I realized what Thanos made me do without me wanting it.
I wanted to play it cool.
I didn't want my brother to know that I'm too weak to make my own decisions.
But I also don't want to be punished for something I didn't even do.

My father is going to be more disappointed in me than he already is.
I don't really care about what he thinks, but what is my mother going to think?
She is going to regret loving me, she will hate me.
Odin once said to me when I was little that I am such a disappointing and weak little boy and that I will never be like my brother.
So now he is going to think that he was right.
I always tried to prove him wrong, but if he finds out that I am not even a boy, he will just let me die in a cave.
I really just want to lay down, I am so tired.

THOR'S POV:

Why did Loki do this? I know he has always been "evil," but he would never do something like this. I know him better than he knows himself.

At least I thought so.
But now I am not sure how to trust him ever again.
I look over to him; we are surrounded by guards.
I look him in the eyes; he looks sad.
Obviously, he is going to get in a lot of trouble. He has a reason to be sad, but he was never sad or anxious about getting in trouble after he did something bad.
Even after he transformed into a snake and stabbed me, we were just 8 at this time, but he was never scared to get punished.

So something is off. How am I going to be able to ask him if I'm supposed to be angry at him?
But I'm worried, after all, he is still my little brother.

NO ONE'S POV:

Loki stands before Odin, tied up with handcuffs.
Their expression has changed. She looks happy, is even smiling as if she isn't taking this seriously.
Thor doesn't believe her smile; he knows that Loki is using their powers to seem that way.

Until Odin says, "Your birthright was to die."
This broke Thor's heart.
He looked at Loki; they stopped smiling.
Thor sees the sadness in Loki's eyes.
Odin continued talking: "Frigga is the only reason you're alive, and you will never see her again.
You will spend the rest of your days in the dungeons."

Loki wanted to explain that she was controlled, that it's not their fault, but they just couldn't.
How could her father be so cruel?
A lifetime for a human isn't much; they don't live long, but a lifetime for a god is thousands of years.
All that for something she didn't even do.
Thor looked shocked; he couldn't believe that his baby brother is going to be locked up for the rest of his life.

LOKI'S POV:

My mother convinced Odin to give me a bed and books since the cells of Asgard normally don't even have beds.
I know she cares about me more than any other person in my family does.
But even she wouldn't believe me if I told her the truth.
They all just see me as a villain.

I lay down on my new bed, looking in the air.
They are all gone; no one is here to see how weak I actually am.
So I stopped the illusion.
I am covered in bruises and wounds,
which mostly come from Thanos torturing me and Hulk throwing me around.
Some of the wounds I made myself, trying to stop myself from listening to Thanos, but it didn't work.

I thought about the last time I felt so helpless.
When I was younger, I tried to come out to my family, even though I knew that we aren't a real family.
We are more an image of a family.
Thor never thought that way, but I knew it.
I think that's normal when your father is the king of Asgard.
I wore a dress for dinner and shapeshifted into a more feminine version of my usual look. I felt good.
I felt like myself.
I came downstairs, and there was only Odin sitting on the table; that was not good.
Odin looked at me in shock and said angrily:
"Stop the illusion, my son. It's not funny. You look like a woman.
What would happen if someone saw you wearing a dress?
They would see the freak you really are, and you don't want that, right?"
That broke me.
I ran into my room and just cried.
Since that day, I don't feel like myself anymore.

Since I already felt weak, I could at least feel like myself.
I transformed using my powers
I'm wearing a green baggy T-shirt and a black skirt.
I also made my hair a bit shorter.
Today I didn't really feel like a woman or a man.

After that, I fell asleep, not caring about someone seeing me like this.