song: male fantasy by Billie Eilish
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Home alone
Trying not to eat
Distract myself with pornography
I hate the way she looks at me
I can't stand the dialogue
She would never be
That satisfied, it's a male fantasy
I'm going back to therapy
'Cause I loved you then and I love you now and I don't know how
Guess it's hard to know
When nobody else comes around
If I'm getting over you
Or just pretending to
Be alright, convince myself I hate you
I got a call from a girl I used to know
We were inseparable years ago
Thought we'd get along but it wasn't so
And it's all I think about
When I'm behind the wheel
I worry this is how I'm always gonna feel
But nothing lasts, I know the deal
But I loved you then and I love you now and I don't know how
Guess it's hard to know
When nobody else comes around
If I'm getting over you
Or just pretending to
Be alright, convince myself I hate you
Can't get over you
No matter what I do
I know I should but I could never hate you
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every word of this song gets me, especially lately. because there is someone I know I should hate, but I can't. and I can't get over them either. so instead I punish myself for what they did to me which is stupid I know. so every day, I have to remind myself I wasn't the problem, at least not the bigger one, and try and force myself to eat something because I feel like even though it wasn't my fault, I deserve to just.. rot.
- C.
YOU ARE READING
insight into my mind: songs I relate to
Non-Fictioninsight into my mind isn't something I usually let people have, but lately I've been struggling and I need to voice it before I go crazy, but music is the only way I know how to do that, so i made a book of songs I relate to
