The extroverted introvert diary

So much to say

I don't know why I am writing this.

I don't know how I'm feeling right now.

It's just complicated. No, I make it complicated.

The turmoil in me is making me feel so many things right now. I'm angry, sad, hurt, happy, depressed.

I don't know.

I heard if I write it down, it will make me feel better.

At present, If it's going to make me feel better, then I'm going to write it out.

Dear Arjun,
              Do you still remember me? Or am I just a stranger whom you just know?

For me, you're something else. For me, you're the person who gave me confidence, strength.

For me, you're my reflection.

Our opinions for most things are same.

I thought what is present between us is special.

Whom am I kidding?

If it is then, why would I be writing this?

Some say if we wait things changes. It bulshit.

When I'm near you, I felt like my old self who isn't afraid of anything.

I wanted to tell you so many things about me and know about you.

I wanted to be near you.

I wanted to be the person with whom you can feel home.

I wanted to show you the real me who is scared, hidden deep inside.

I thought what it may be you will be with me.

I felt safe near you.

But what If you know the real me, you will stop liking me and leave me.

So I kept a mask on my face and shield over my heart.

So that no one will hurt me.

But you were successful in doing that. You removed the shield I kept over my heart.

You made me rethink my thoughts.

I'm stupid to think things will change.

Before you were in my life, I was an emotional wreck. At that time, I was like....
I don't know how to put words.

I thought I have to put a lot effort for someone to stay with me or love me.

I never felt I was good enough for anyone.

But if I like someone endlessly, I thought he will give me chance to be with him.

I never expected much in return.

I don't know how to talk with others maybe because of the introvert inside me.

So, I thought may be if I express my feelings he may give me a chance.

How wrong was I! I am such an idiot.

In the world where people are afraid to express their feelings, I told him I liked him.

Do you know what response I got? Nothing.

I waited for weeks hoping he will answer me.

Slowly, I lost my hope.

I cried many times thinking I'm not even worth it for him to say no.

He just left me standing.

It hurted a lot.