Beyond captivating

Chapter 18

Chapter eighteen

Author's POV:

I'm scared to be alone.
To be shunned...
I'm scared to do the wrong
and lose him forever.
I'm scared he will hate when he learns my true name.
I'm scared I'll cry.
And never see his face again...
I want him to love me.
No other, but me ...
Those lines has always been her daily lullaby.
Ever since he'd sprayed the cash on her and left
Heaven knows she tried.
Oh love! How inhuman you could be!
Despite her social personality, she could not help the tears.
She was crying while she sang.
Her eyes were sweating because she wanted to excrete the horror of physical function.

She wanted to drive the memory of Lucas out through her pores.

To feel them prickle down her arms and legs and breast before evaporating into the heavy air. To purge herself off the memory of how he feels so good inside of hers when he had made love to her.
To make herself clean and start her life all over again. But could she?
So she sat and let the tears, salty as sea water run in the rivulets down her eyes.
Her body was also sweating.
But still she felt so cold.
She was cold and icy because the sweat was an invisible one, the one that came sliding down her body internally.
The central heating became turned up as high as it slides down and it feels just like a portable heaters that was about to blast and scorching out enough air out of her inner skin.
She was madly in love...
Madly in love with the man who doesn't even remember she existed anymore.

Last night hurricane couldn't have done more worst than good to her night.

Even if she kept dreaming about him, she was glad morning broke so extravagantly.

After pulling off her night gown, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror...
Small nose, brown eyes, quite a square face,
her jaw came across sharply and it dips slightly in the middle...
Full breast, well rounded hips and a beautiful face.
Sure, she was a perfect figure with a kind of feminine shape all men couldn't have wished for.
She tried to lift her foot but it felt incredibly heavy.
Naked in her own bathroom and cold like a clouds of steam, she climbed the tub and felt rooted to the spot with fear...
She puts her hands on the either sides, holding it right so she doesn't slip and swung...
Her whole body was weak, it just felt as if the water will rear up and bite her any moment...
Memory of the way Lucas had touched and kissed her materialized her. She thought she could move on with Nigel, but could she?
She dunked a cloth
in the water and began to dab at herself.
Under her armpits, across her chest, between her legs as if cleaning her most intimate parts will compensate for the part of her greediness, and her refusal to immense herself.

She smeared and wiped with increasing fury, trying to make herself so angry that she leaped into the bath.
Anger against fear, anger born from fear...
She wished she had never traded her friend all in the name of meeting him.

She wish she'd never gave herself to that guy all in the name of meeting him.

She wished she hadn't think of moving on with nigel, all in the name of getting closer to him.

She wished she'd never been so greedy enough just to have him all to herself from the beginning of it all.
Feeling disgusted of herself, she yanked at the plug chain just below the overflow channel.
The water sloshed impassively back and forth as the bath starts to drain.
She stood up, wrapped a towel around her and went towards a room that was connected to her bathroom.
What was in the room was her little secrets, her greediness, her love, what she wanted for herself, who she'd been obsessed with since the very first day she set her eyes on him...
And when she opened the door, dark colours with the smell of air freshener blew out.
She put on the light and there, the pictures that was seen hung and plastered at every corner of the room was none but Lucas Tyson...
She stood in the doorway and glanced across the room.
"Lucas." she breathed softly.