When Memories are Lost

Chapter 4

            Somewhere between my walk back to Harry’s flat, I got lost. At first I panicked because I did not know where I was but then I remembered I had a phone to call Harry. For some reason I was a bit scared to call Harry instead I called Zayn and he came and picked me up. Now, I am at his flat having a cup of tea by the fire place.

            “Don’t you think you should called Harry now?” Zayn’s voice called out as he walked into the room. He took a seat on the coffee table in front of me and placed a hand on my knee.

            I swallowed my tea before I spoke. “I don’t want to go back there right now. But I promise I will call him soon.” For some reason I figured Zayn and I were pretty close friends before I lost my memory. Why else would I have called him instead of Liam or one of the others. He just seems like a guy I would be friends with, possibly more than friends.  A smile spread across his face as he removed his hand from my knee.

            “If you need anything I will be in the room down the hall.”

“Wait,” I said. “Can I ask you something?” He nodded his head for me to continue. “So, this band thing it’s pretty massive?” Again he nodded his head. “That’s cool. You know how I’m trying to remember, right? Harry doesn’t seem to want to tell me anything when I ask him about me as my life before. Do you think you could maybe tell me about my life?” He sat there for a moment his bottom lip between his teeth. “Well, I mean only if you know anything about me. We were friends before, right?”

“I don’t think it’s right of me to tell you who you were before. If you want to be that person again you will find your way back to being the person you were before.”

I nodded my head in agreement with his touching words. It makes sense I thought to myself. “So I’m guessing we weren’t much as friends?”

“Yeah, we were really good friends.”

I like that thought that we were friends before. Maybe we can rebuild our friendship like it used to be when I remember. “One more thing,” I spoke. “Did I love Harry as much as he loves me?”

“You would walk a thousand miles just to be with him. He would too.”

It has been past an hour since I got to Zayn’s place and I still have not called Harry. Zayn and I are in the TV room watching a show called Jersey Shore. We laughed, making fun of how they all are on the show. “Are American’s really like this?” I asked laughing as this girl Snooki fell down.

Zayn laughed turning down the TV. “You can see sometime yourself.” He fished his phone out of his pocket. I noticed it read “Harry” on the screen of Zayn’s phone. Shoot. I had told Zayn I called Harry and told him where I was but I never did. He puts his phone against his ear and says, “Vas Happening? ...Yeah…I thought you knew. …Oh …No! No need to we’ll be there soon. …Bye.” He hung up the phone and got up from the couch. “That was Harry. He was worried about you. I thought you called him?” I did not respond and looked at the floor. “C’mon. I’ll walk you back to his flat.” I groaned quietly not wanting to leave, but I didn’t resist. I got my ass off the sofa and put my jumper on. 

The walk to Harry’s flat was quiet. The only thing you could hear were cars passing by and the night. We stopped in front of Harry’s flat, I assume. I stood on one of the steps, Zayn on the pavement.  I could see that the light in the hall was turned on inside; rain started falling from the sky.

“Can we hang out again sometime?” I asked Zayn hoping he would say yes.

“That sounds brilliant,” he replied. “See you soon Aria.” He leaned up and kissed my cheek. I felt my cheeks heat up as he waved good bye.

Once I could no longer see Zayn, I opened the door. I took my shoes of quietly hoping not to make any sound that Harry could hear. I tiptoed my way down the hall careful not to trip or step on a squeaky spot. I had just made it past the living room when a hand landed on my shoulder

“Shit!” I backed up against the wall. Harry was standing in front of me looking like he had been crying.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t me to scare you.” He said taking his hand off my shoulder. I nodded my head showing I was fine. “I was worried about you. I called you six times but you never answered.”

“I apologize. It’s just… I had a long day and I’m just tired and need rest.”

He took his hand pushing his curly brown locks out of his face. He made a gesture biting his lip. “You can sleep in room. I’ll sleep on the couch.” He started off down the hall towards the bedroom. I followed behind feeling uncomfortable. I walked in the room and didn’t see Harry. I sat down my phone on the bedside table.  I looked through the drawers looking for clothes to sleep in. “You’re clothes are right here babe.” Harry helped me find my clothes. I said thanks and he left giving me privacy.

The sound of thunder woke me up from my sleep. I jumped straight up in made panting as it continued thundering. I absolutely hate when it thunders at night it scared me to death. I lay back down on the bed sinking into the silky black duvet. I looked over at the nightstand and saw it was only 1:37 A.M. I grabbed my phone of the of the nightstand and dialed ‘1’

“Hello.” A sleep Harry answered. For some reason that made me smile.

“I’m scared.” I whispered into the phone. “Can you sleep with me? I’ll build I wall between us.

Harry chuckled on the other end. As if on cue the door opens and he says through the phone, “I’m already here.” He shut the door and laid down under the covers beside me. “Night love.” His arm wrapped around my waist pulling me against him.

It has been five days since the hospital and I still have not remembered anything. Between those three years I cannot seem to remember I made loads of new friends who came to visit me at Harry’s, and I feel horrible because they start talking about things I cannot remember and I stand there with a confused face trying to think if I can remember; then they look at me and say “I’m sorry” which just makes it more frustrating for me. Eventually they make their way around the room to a different person then I isolate myself in the kitchen where everything is quite.

This week when I tried going to the coffee shop down the road I got bombarded by cameras flashing and question about Harry. I cannot just tell all those people, “Sorry, I can remember anything since 2009. So you’re all fucked.”  Harry thought it would be a good idea if no one knew about me forgetting, which I agreed.

Another thing, during the times when no one is visiting it’s just me and Harry alone together in his flat. Being the not so social butterfly I was, it is always so quite or me arguing with Harry for starting a conversation about the past and not finishing it because I do not remember it. I think I may just go back to living with my mother in Chelmsford. I am starting to believe my mother is right; Harry and mines relationship was not the best.

Before he even spoke I knew Harry was standing between the door frame. “Are you alright?” Harry asked.

“No,” I respond honestly. I could hear his footsteps walking towards the counter. The sound of loud laughter could be heard from the room next door. Once in my life time I was doing the same thing they are doing. Telling each other jokes, gossiping about the latest news, and talking about “Remember when…” but now I stand as the outsider in a different room.

“What’s wrong?”

“I think I want to go back home.” I lift my head to look up at Harry seeing hurt in his eyes. “To Chelmsford and live with my mum.” I felt cold liquid fall from the rim of my eyes as I looked him in the eyes. I saw Harry’s eyes start to get watery.  He shoved his hands in his front pockets of his pants looking to the floor.