Song of the Morning (About You) - Minsung

4

Jisung sat behind the stage, computer burning on his lap as he listened through his track one more time. He could have done a vocal cover and won the talent competition easily, but Jisung was never one to back away from a challenge. He put hours of effort into making this song, and even more into his performance. He studied himself in his bathroom mirror, meticulously going over his movements and facial expressions to match every lyric. He had composed music for his friends before, but never for himself.

Life contains many contradictions. On one hand, it's quite important to have the qualities of a leader. On the other, there is the idea that you can have too many captains on a ship, or too many cooks in one kitchen. Jisung never wanted to be the captain or head cook. He just wanted to be part of the kickass support team. But there was always this pressure to be more. Being the most talented amongst his peers, there was this expectation that he would be a leader. That somehow talent inherently means you need to be this powerhouse; that you need to be a magnetic being drawing everyone to you and then repelling them away to their perfect roles. Maybe today was Jisung's chance to show everyone they were right about him. That he wasn't a disappointment to his teachers and family.

A poorly sung, out-of-tune ballad was consuming his senses as Jisung clicked the track back to the beginning, preparing to go up next. Winning or losing the school talent show didn't matter. What mattered more is that Jisung lived up to his own expectations. He could win with his eyes closed, but he could shine better with them open.

"Thank you!" A weak round of applause petered out quickly. "Next up, singing his original song 'Alien,' Han Jisung!"

The metal folding chair clanked loudly underneath him as he stood, reminding him that this important and prestigious event he built up in his mind was being held in the high school gym. Handing his computer to the tech guy, Jisung walked towards the microphone at the center of the stage. The crowd of 100 or so looked up at him in anticipation. He purposefully picked a song with a decently long intro to settle his nerves.

"The only thing predictable about life is its unpredictability." The voice echoed hard in his ears. The anxiety tingling just beneath his skin stayed relatively calm. "Anyone can be anything. You can be everything."

And his performance wasn't bad. It really wasn't.

It wasn't perfect. It didn't live up to the version Jisung had in his head. But that's not what made this moment in time so traumatic. Because if you're a born performer...if it's in your soul to make your own art and share it with the world, you get past a bad performance. You chalk it up to experience for next time. You try once more because the next time will peel back the tiniest layer of uncertainty and terror that comes with the inherent vulnerability of creating something for others to enjoy and sharing it with them.

Jisung knew that this was his destiny, and that many layers would need to be shed in order to reach his true potential.

But then a certain slur was shouted out just as the applause ended. Deep down, Jisung knew it was true. An acquaintance he didn't remember the name of, because he spent too much time by himself, ran back to beat the shit out of the guy, which only reinforced the slur because, "Oh, is your boyfriend defending you? Come back here yourself, pussy!" Jisung's heart and mind both froze at the words, stuck under the stage lights as the teachers started to break up the ensuing fight. This beautiful song that he poured his soul into and practiced into all hours of the night was instantly ruined for him. His favorite hobby was too.

The only thing predictable about life is its unpredictability.
Anyone can be anything.
But now, Jisung couldn't be everything.
He couldn't be anything.
He was a pussy and a f****t.
He stopped making music entirely, entering college as only a broadcast communications major.
Jisung met Chan during orientation week.
Chan convinced Jisung to sign up for Music Production 101.
And the slow process of layer shedding began.