Leave A Little Sparkle Wherever You Go

I Guess

I woke up to people screaming at eachother. I walked slowly downstairs to see what was going on. Want to know who I saw? Ashton. His eyes were all red and puffy. Ashton said to me, " You know sometimes I do not know how to stop the things I say.
Quickly building a defense against what come and what may. Confused most of the time about what's going on. Not sure what why when or how these things begin/begun. At moment of fight the anger the hurt takes flight. The feeling that you don't believe in me. That alone I stand and even you I have to make see. That I try so hard and most of the time I'm doing fine. Why carry on and attack me why can't certain things just left to be. Only knowing not wanting to proceed. With these malicious thoughts and evil deeds. I don't want to always feel the need to explain to you my actions, to feel insufficient to feel mean. I hate the person that lingers inside of me. The one that emerges when the argument arises. The one who looks and seeks disguises. The one who linger and look for reasons. The one who seems to always start the fight.. I can say sorry in many diff languages and many ways. But you will never see what these little arguments do to me. I can only wonder and hope that you will feel, that you will see. How much I love you and how much to me you mean." He sat down and covered his face in his palm. He cried softly. I walked over to him and kissed his forehead. I told him it was okay. He kissed me passionately. Just don't do it again, I said.