Mental Garden

Chapter Six: A Little Fertilizer Can Help

Part One:

As I entered the realm of social media, I unwittingly stepped into a world that would deeply impact my mental health. In high school, the pressure to define and express one's sexuality was pervasive, with trends and fads circulating at a relentless pace. It seemed as though everyone around me was rapidly choosing who they were, while I felt trapped in a whirlwind of confusion and uncertainty.

Social media platforms served as virtual stages where identities were crafted and projected for the world to see. The pressure to fit into predefined labels was overwhelming, leaving me feeling like I needed to rush my journey of self-discovery to keep up with my peers. But the more I tried to force myself into a predetermined box, the more lost and disconnected I felt from my true self.

In the digital age, the advent of TikTok brought with it a new realm of challenges and pressures, particularly when it came to matters of sexuality. The platform seemed to amplify a culture of hypersexualization, where boundaries blurred, and the lines between authenticity and performance became increasingly thin.

As I navigated through the content on TikTok, I couldn't help but notice the pervasive influence of sexualized themes and trends. The messages conveyed seemed to suggest that being overtly sexual was a key component of being considered "cool" or "popular" in high school. In a world where likes, shares, and comments held immense value, the pressure to conform to these standards was undeniable.

Feeling the weight of these expectations, I found myself grappling with conflicting emotions. Part of me wanted to fit in and be accepted by my peers, while another part of me felt a sense of discomfort with the hypersexualization that was being projected. I began to question whether my value as a person was determined by how sexually appealing I appeared on social media.

As the line between real-life interactions and the online world blurred, it became evident that sexualization was not confined to the virtual realm. Conversations at school often revolved around TikTok trends, and those who didn't conform to these standards were sometimes ostracized or considered "uncool."

The pressure to sexualize oneself for social acceptance felt like a suffocating burden. It seemed as though self-worth was contingent upon conforming to these unrealistic expectations. I began to question whether true authenticity and self-expression were being sacrificed for the sake of seeking validation from others.

The pressures to conform to society's hypersexualized standards had chipped away at my self-respect, leaving me feeling like nothing more than a mere sexual object.

For far too long, I viewed myself through the lens of others' validation, seeking worth in the likes and comments that affirmed my sexualized portrayal on social media. In the process, I had relinquished my self-respect, and with it, a sense of my authentic self.

Breaking free from this suffocating cycle was a monumental task-one that required unwavering dedication and self-reflection. The journey to rebuild my confidence was arduous, as I had to confront the layers of societal conditioning and self-doubt that had taken root within me.

With each step forward, I reclaimed pieces of my identity, piece by piece. I started to look beyond the distorted reflection that social media had painted of me and sought to rediscover the person I was beyond the lens of others' expectations.

In this process of self-discovery, I found solace in exploring my passions and interests beyond the confines of hypersexualized portrayals. I began to prioritize self-care and self-compassion, learning that my worth did not reside in the approval of others, but in the love and acceptance I held for myself.