𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐏 𝐌𝐄 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏 | 𝐝.𝐦 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

extra.

d.m.

It was a cold Christmas Eve that year. The snow heavily coated the tombstones of many whose lives had been lost that day. Nevertheless, I never cared for anyone who lay there in peace; one with the earth, except for her. One might think I have the emotional intelligence of an imbecile, but honestly, I couldn't care less. 

I stood before her grave, the chill of winter crawling up my bones. It had been five years since then – the day I decided to fuck everything up like I usually do, the day I ripped any remaining sanity out of my soul, the day I had taken her life. Y/N, the one who had once filled my world with her loud laughter and light she beamed whenever walking into a room, was now lying beneath the ground, forever lost to me. Guilt weighed heavily on my heart, after all, I am the one who killed her. 

"I brought you a gift," I whispered placing a small box of star-shaped earrings on the ground she was under, "I know you don't quite like gifts. Merry Christmas, though." 

I brushed the snow off her grave revealing the careful engravings of her name on the stone. Her mother made sure it was the most beautiful among all graves, she made sure it was the right stone, the right placement of the writing, the right place for her burial, and the right shape. It's beautiful how mothers are. Really. 

Five years ago on that day, I fell into hysteria when I got home and the realization of how big of a deal what I did was. That was the first time I saw my mother lash out at me when I stepped out on the porch of our corrupted house claiming I'd be turning myself into Azkaban. After all, I am one who committed a heinous crime. Unfortunately, my mother managed to keep me under her control and brush Y/N's death off to the officials with the petty excuse of 'she was caught in the crossfire' and a little bribe. How noble. Beautiful how mothers are. How ironic. 

After the funeral, I never really got back to my feet, feeling rather useful staying locked up in the loneliness of my own room. I did have many episodes of almost completely destroying the room, thinking taking out my anger on a wall or a desk would do anything. Truly pathetic coming from the one who she thought worthy of her love. Worst of all? I never let go of my own cowardness. Never did it occur to me to end my own life and honor myself to her. The thought of death, while in Hogwarts never bothered me, now was terrifying. 

I never got around to finding someone after. That was the least I could do. Who else would I dream of running far away with and living together till our deaths drew us apart? Oh, how I wished I could take it all back, to change the course of fate, but life doesn't grant such golden second chances.

"I love you," I said, my voice low, "You know I do."

The funeral was the angriest I've felt. Those who never claimed to be her friends suddenly threw grand words of condolences around and those who never trusted her claimed Y/N  to be 'a great friend'. It's humorous how people have the audacity to become total hypocrites after one dies. All these years, none of them took the liberty of even considering visiting her grave. Might be because they can't handle the pressure, but the same doesn't apply to visiting others' graves, does it?  

"Remember when you threw paper planes at me?" I chuckled at the occurrence of the memory, "That must have been the first time I thought 'maybe I do like this girl'. Merlin, I went for the feistiest one." 

With a heavy heart, I finally rose to my feet. The box of earrings I had brought was now resting on her grave along with the other four I had brought every Christmas. I took one last look at her name etched in stone and then turned to leave.

"Sweet dreams, Y/N," I said wishing to hear her voice call back to me one last time with a snarky comeback like 'sweet nightmares' or 'have the worst night, idiot'. 

But I never heard it. 

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a/n: so, i came back with an extra chapter about how draco felt after the clown foolery he did since i've had like 10 requests about it. just wanted to say thanks for reading my book, i appreciate everyone who comments, the 121k reads and votes. i am not joking when i say i laugh-cry at the funniest shit yall comment.