I don't come from a broken family, but I feel like I'm not whole. There is always something missing.
I enjoyed my childhood (did I?) I don't know if I really enjoy. All I remember is that my parents especially my mom was very strict.
I was born in the 90's (shout out to 90's baby) and my life was not easy.
Hindi pa uso ang gadget sa panahong yun, cellphone namin keypad pa at kung magkaroon ka man ng cherry mobile na touch screen, mapera na ang tingin ng tao sa iyo.
So, let's go back to the topic— My mom was strict than my dadd (was kasi ngayon, parang di na siya ganun ka higpit) But one thing that I hate my dadd was— when he got drunk.
The trauma is still there; hindi siya nanakit physical but emotionally. Yung tipong buong buhay mo dadalhin yung sakit at takot.
I am weak and they don't even know that. Maliit na bagay napapatawa ako, pero mabilis din tumulo ang mga luha ko kapag nakakarinig ng masasakit na salita especially coming from my father.
Masayahin akong bata not until my sister got pregnant! Yes, pregnant.
My sister is my superhero. Whenever mom scold me, she was there. Whenever mom wants to hit me, she was by my side to protect me. She's my shield.
She taught me how to dance (at nangarap pa akong maging kabilang sa dance troupe pag nasa high school na ako) but then, I lost everything when she left me and got married. Nawalan ako ng gana sa lahat. I get mad at her. Dahil sa tampo ko, even on her wedding day, I did not attend. Bata pa ako nun, pero alam ko kung ano ang pakiramdam ng naiwan sa ere. Iniisip ko nun, ipapasa sa akin lahat ng responsibility na dapat ay si ate. I haven't choice, tho.
And additional to that, when I graduated in High School, pinagpasa-pasahan nila ako. I feel like, I don't have family that really loves me. Siguro may natatawag akong mama at papa but I am longing for love.
Lahat tiniis ko because I love them. Lahat ng gusto nila, sinusunod ko.
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-Looking back, ang bata-bata ko pa para makaranas ng ganun. They always think that I am okay, kasi hindi naman ako nagrereklamo.
Saying "No" is not me. Basta maging masaya lang sila, sige. Pero lahat ng bagay sa mundo may hanggangan, may katapusan. Siguro, yun yung nangyayari sa akin.
I may not be perfect, may mga nagawa man akong mali sa buhay pero siguro, hindi ko deserve na maiwan sa ere; na ma-left-out.
