The prayer

Chapter one

                       In the beginning

"We all came into this world , because of Him although we may not know Him. He knows us and wants to get closer to us"

It was quite a long run, always feeling like I had to make heaven by all means. I did crazy things to try to show, that I was worthy to make heaven. One day, I actually picked up an old devotional to meditate on, trying to make up for all the series that I missed. So I spent hours praying asking God for so many things, as I read the devotional. It wasn't enough, after a while the fire quenched and I was back to square one. I got myself into that same mess again, I sat one day in my sitting room and all of a sudden I began to wonder, what would happen if Christ was to come then. The questions became worst and I almost became insane . I had to tell someone about it and the person told me to pray the Rosary daily because I am a Catholic. Already, I had taken First holy communion. That lasted for days and I tried to be consistent but the fire quenched, after a while before then I was better. When school resumed, I was okay and I got myself back. I tried to avoid those thoughts as often as I could, because the experience was terrifying for me. I continued my walk with God although, I wasn't steady still had a lot of things to do. I wasn't perfect not at all. I needed God to help me and it was high time that I realized this

"To the world one may seem good but only The spirit of God knows what is in the hearts of everyone"

I had to struggle with myself. At times One may want to follow God but looking back at the world, it made it harder to decide. Then I started having nightmares at the same time prayers started increasing. I was terrified, because of what I was seeing they were horrible.  I had sleepless nights a lot of the nightmares. I ran to People, that I thought were spiritually inclined. It was then I learnt to pray well before sleeping. It reduced to an extent.

I learnt this too
"In the midst of the waters and the raging storms, if you trust in God you are never alone. He will guide you and will see You through it all"

Remembering, How Jesus was in the boat with His Disciples. He still slept in the midst of the storm. He wasn't afraid, He calmed the storm, when they woke him up to inform him of the situation at hand. All He did was to speak and the storm obeyed Him. The thing is when we are at peace in the midst of the storm and we begin to speak words, something has to happen. This is because we are obeying the Principles which are to be at peace, to have faith in God and to speak with authority. Knowing Our position in the realm of the spirit, we have to take a stand. I don't think, that I understood this all too well at that point in my life, but I realized that God was watching over me always. Although, I was still scared in spite of that knowledge. Once it was night I was scared, but that consolation helped me a lot.

At a point I didn't really take God seriously, I pushed God away yet I still spoke to Him, but I didn't really have a deep relationship with Him . I just remained lukewarm, recited prayers almost everyday, because I was restless if I didn't do so. I lived this life for quite a while until He started calling me again. It was at a point my health was getting worst,  I just prayed and  Jesus helped me. I had a lot of health crisis that escalated, I felt weak almost every month. it was a mess and I never understood why it was all happening. It was like God just left me to suffer all these things. But, in everything He was still present teaching me this.

"When life seems tough and everything seems to be falling apart God is still present and He will see you through everything"

Truly things got better, although it was not steady for a long while. It was in this horrible situation, that I started to get closer to God. I understood that God used all those things to draw me closer to Him. If everything was so cool no worries, I wouldn't have gotten close to Him. It was the only way that He could get my attention. Truly, I never imagined that my life would ever be the way it was at that point. One day I had to throw in the towel and give my life to Jesus, because I was tired of running. The heat was too much on me, what surrounded me was too heavy for me to move with. I wanted it off my shoulders and I knew that Jesus was the only one that could help me. It wasn't easy at all, been in a dark world shining won't be an easy task. I wondered how the Disciples did it .