Living with leukemia

outside the walls

out side the walls of my cemented prison perfumed with rubbing alcohol and cotton balls. was a tree, grass, leaves, even snow sometimes, i wish i could go there. but I'm way to sick,
i have leukemia. unluckily this case of leukemia just doesnt wanna let go of my body.
im homeschooled by my over gramically obsessed mother, i hate her, she keeps me locked up in here. 24-7 since i was six. im literally insane. its like im screaming at the top of my lungs and she cant hear e, like she doesnt care, its like they just dont care.
luckily i have you.
my trusty laptop.
i love this laptop almost as much as my beanie. i have been visited by celebrities trying to brighten their images, they are all fake, and society still looks up to them. nice to know.
i have also seen what guys think and look at girls.
pigs.
we arent show animals, jesus put some god damned clothes on! i think that all the time when i am on twitter, instagram, facebook, you name it some slutty girl is on it. its like a god damned breeding ground.
mila said i should write.
this is the only reason i am still here. except him.
"miss.." i heard from the door.
"yea?" i ask.turning around t face the women i recognized to be Milla.
"milla, is he here?" i ask, excited. my crush....jaxson.
"yas, mis, but i relly tink ou should ask heam out, ya know?" her Jamaican accent was hilarious. she was mostly jamaican but has some Indonesian also, and her name? i have about zero idea.
"okay.." i admitted. i was scared, he was cute, and i was ugly. i mean, i have no hair, am in pajamas, and cant leave the hospital, or my IV stand. some date that'll be.
as i make my way out of the rom, i see him, tall and muscular, the brim of his jet black hair swooped up at the front, his face was like chiseled. he was quite the masterpiece, i must admitt. and then there lucy his ex girlfriend, well on again and off again.
that pissed me off let me say.
"hey!!!!" jaxson said as i stepped up to him he gave me a hug. i love him so much, too bad he thinks hes my best friend. i wish he was more.
i find myself fantasizing about him. He was a nice rich, beautifully built, he was amazing, because his face was sculpted by Greek gods.
I swear. He looks at me with a glint of happiness, that recedes into sadness as he sees the state I'm in, I'm almost too tired to stand, as I drift towards him, falling into his arms, I'm blacking out, no! I can't, I need to tell him, I might not get this chance again, I might die first, I say as the black dots arose to swallow my vision, I say "don't let me die." And I ment it, I wanted him to save me.
And it all went black, I could see anything, all I could hear was muffled voices, I felt like I was floating, when everything got bright, the sun felt like a stunning been of warmth. I was free, I was running through ferns and I giggled as I saw her, of course she was with her ferns, her name was fern. And she is my best friend, but she's in a coma, she had a brain tumor they were operating on. She just hasent woken up yet, they said it could happen. They also said she may never wake up. She was so afraid.
"Fern?!" I ask, as she turns, I see she is smiling. It fills me with joy.
"Sam, please help me...make them take me off...the life suport. This isn't what I wanted," she says with a frown. This makes the skies turn gray, and all of the happiness rips away from me with a sudden gasp at the cold feeling that has engulfed me, I frown, it's so cold. "Your dying, chemo isn't working, you need to go home, say goodbye to him, you know Jake. It's for the best." She says. "It isn't so pleasant here...ha, looks like your mom got to me to, that stupid bitch." She says in utter disgust.
"I don't wanna die." I whisper. I was surprised she heard me, but yet again, I was in some sort of comatic dream.
"Please...oh!" She gasped looking at an amazing orb, it meandered over to her. She looked in, and so did I, I saw her in the hospital, waking up. I gasped. "I'll see you later, right?" I asked,but she looked confused "Sam?!" She asked, "what wher is she?!" She asked, I could still her her, as she was sucked through the orb, and into her body. I get it, this is the waiting land, to see if we die, and if we do we move on, or stay here forever. "She's passed out, she almost flatlined." I heard the gruff voice of the once amazingly beautiful Jaxson (I'm calling him Jax for now on) oh Jax, his soft velvety hair was ragged and dirty, the once smooth skin was all scruffy from what looked like a mean case of 5 o'clock shadow.
They sat in silence. "Is she going to be okay?" Fern asked in a sad voice, her voice was scruffy as if the dam were about to burst. Her eyes full of tears "they don't know." He said sternly. The look on his face was weird, I'd never seen it before. His face was wet and puffy. The edges of his eyes we swollen, he's been crying? Just as I think thi, the or calls my name "Sam, ... It's time." A very muscular voice says from behind me, it was someone I knew, "God?" I asked, looking up at him, "hahaha, no... I'm Jorge I'm like god, but I have a name, so I'm better." He joked with me. I laughed and the sun came back.
"So Jorge what do I do?" I asked him, he smiled "let the orb pull you into the present, and let you live." His smile was perfect, his blonde hair was in a similar style to Jax's his deep ocean of eyes looked as though there were little fish swimming in them, the flecks of different colors were amazing. He was beautiful, and then I realized who I was talking to.
"Jay?" I asked "you see Jacob? I'm a depiction of the person you love most. The fact that you love Jacob is interesting, when you secretly love Jax." He said, his eyes filling up with dilemma. "I do." I chuckled, I suddenly closed my eyes and let the orb swallow me.
I woke up on my hospital bed, drenched in sweat.
"Ey! She's awaeke!" I heard the familiar voice of Mila.
I looked at Jacob. He leaned in to hug me, but I kissed him. On the lips, and he kissed me back.