Merciless Hunter

11: Following the moon

For a while, the only sound is the babbling of the brook, the soft crunch of their footsteps over autumn leaves and berry brush and the scurrying of little animals as they pass. Occasionally, Brun finds a patch with berries still left and adds the sound of her browsing. The earthy scent of autumn mingles with the fresh smell of running water and whenever they come upon a clearing along their way, their shadows leap ahead of them as the sun warms their backs.

At first, it is enough to soothe Wrenne and let her walk with mist in her mind yet a clarity of all her senses that rivets her to the here and now. Then her inner mist slowly clears and she begins to wonder if, and if so how, she should remind Arkteia that this is what she said would be the time for talking about reasons. But before she has had time to settle on something to say that wouldn't sound pushy, Arkteia forestalls her and begins to speak.

"Yesterday, I wasn't sure myself of why I care about you beyond my bargain with the sisters. I needed more time with you to make sense of it. I'm still not sure, but at least I think I can begin to explain."

She suddenly stoops to pick up a particularly bright red maple leaf, twiddles it between her fingers and then lets it fall into the stream. They stay a moment to watch it float away before moving on.

"Brun is very curious about how humans work, you see. She asks me questions all the time about why we do what we do. The more I've tried to explain, the less I've understood myself. I've come to believe that the reasons we give for what we do are only excuses. Sometimes it seems to me that we are driven like that leaf, helplessly floating down a stream while believing that it makes a difference how we choose. Perhaps the leaf thinks it chooses its course as it runs down the stream? Do you know why you set that trap for us?"

The sudden question stops Wrenne so short that she almost stumbles. She feels the heat in her face and glowers at her feet to hide it. But she can feel Arkteia standing there looking at her and forces herself to meet her eyes. She owes her at least that much.

In her eyes, those shutters are again wide open and Wrenne shivers as the cold wind from beyond seems to sweep through her. But she endures it, seeing the vulnerable candor in Arkteia's face, and it seems to her that the glow in her face moves down into her chest, giving her the strength to reply without looking away. "I saw it as the only way to make you help me meet the sisters."

Arkteia nods slowly. "That is the reason you give. But what of all the reasons you do not give? If Tirisi hadn't seen you vulnerable, if you hadn't chosen to follow her, if you hadn't run away to begin with, if you had met a man like Herndel to begin with, you might not have been so keen on revenge... and if I hadn't shown you Brun, then you would never have had this obsession with having an ally. I set you up for temptation. So in a way, I share the guilt for what you did."

"That's not fair!"

Wrenne surprises both Arkteia and herself with the heat of her outburst. They stop and stare at each other while Wrenne searches for the right words. "I don't talk about being unfair to you," she says at last, "I mean it's unfair to me. I chose to do all that even though I knew it was bad. I was willing to take the responsibility. Don't try to take it for me! I guess you mean well, but you only make me sound like a powerless victim."

Brun, sitting some strides ahead of them, woofs and rumbles. Arkteia half turns towards her and nods, then turns back to Wrenne. "You're right. I'm sorry. I just never saw it that way. Brun just pointed out that I was giving you the pity you neither need, nor deserve nor ask for. She says that what you need is our help and what you deserve is our admiration. But I still feel a little guilty for tempting you and that is one of the reasons I care. I hope you don't mind."

Wrenne shakes her head, not because she doesn't mind but in disbelief. "Admiration? What on earth for? I don't exactly feel admirable after all that falsehood."