Left with the Right Choice

Prologue

Left

Adjective
Definition (Entry 1 of 3)
2 Often capitalized : of, adhering to, or constituted by the left especially in politics.

Definition (Entry 3 of 3)
Past tense and past participle of LEAVE

Right

Adjective
Definition (Entry 1 of 4)
2 : being in accordance with what is just, good, or proper
13 : Often capitalized : of, adhering to, or constituted by the right especially in politics.

"You left me" was all he could say after the long, long silence.

He had always been so strong, so tough, so masculine that the tears in his eyes and the wound in his voice struck me like lightning. I was not used to seeing him very vulnerable, deeply pained, and all too human.

But does vulnerability, pain, and humanity immediately cancel out one's masculinity?

Or does it simply show how strong someone is even more?

Are those even tears in his eyes?

Or are those just raindrops falling from the sky?

Is that a bleeding wound in his voice?

Or a battle scar of a soldier who had known, fought, and survived love?

I cannot say. I cannot theorize. I cannot even feel what the truth is.
All I know are the things that I want to say to him but couldn't: how much I had thought about him after all this time, how I really felt for him, why I left to begin with...

... How much I love him.

Loved him...

Love him...

God, my mind is a twisting typhoon of emotions and thoughts.

And at the heart of it all was him...
His bushy eyebrows that I had always made fun of.
Those narrow eyes that I was hesitant to tease lest I would get cancelled for xenophobia.
Those even teeth that I always find myself complimenting subconsciously and suddenly.
Those curly locks that I had loved to twist around my fingers.

"You left me" his dry, parched voice that had always been so confident, so proud, maybe even borderline arrogant said in the most wearied, dejected fashion.

Lightning struck and thunder roared. The wind howled like child seeking its mother. The heavens wept.

My mouth opened to speak, my heart gushed forth with emotions as I prepared to tell him the truth, to beg him to wrap me in his embrace once more. Yet my mind could not muster the courage to do the things I had to dk.

"I love you", "I loved you"...

"No, Ryshia" I said to myself "don't give him that. Don't lead him into this shithole once again."

No... I concurred. I want him, but I don't deserve him.

No... I cannot hurt him. Not again.

I gulped as the rain washed away my tears. I turned my back on him and walked into the darkness. My feet will lead me where I need to be.

"It's the right thing to do, Jiji" I said as I disappeared like a ghost. Every step I took was a nail to my heart as I left behind my happiness and love.