The Silence That Spoke a Thousand Words

Bury Me Alive In My Guilt

OJ is sad and lonely

Also sorry for the huge timeskip. I didn't want this fic to get too long and I kinda want to get to the bombjay kiss part soon tehe

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It's now the final two. Pickle and Paper were both eliminated in one episode. Now fame, fortune and glory was so close to grasping. 16 contestants who fought relentlessly for $1,000,000 and now its just Taco and OJ.

OJ should be happy about this. He was so close to taking it all but all he ever feels nowadays is guilt. Nobody noticed however, since OJ is pretty good at hiding his true feelings under a pile of lies and fake self confidence. 

I'm smarter.

OJ physically felt sick. Why did he say that? He should of known better. He and Bomb were friends for so long that he should of never dared to utter those words. OJ doesn't think he could ever  look at sand without feeling soul crushing guilt and shame. The desert, how Bomb refused to talk about what was wrong frustrated OJ, but he didn't expect Bomb to snap at him like that. He just wanted to make sure he was ok because OJ cares about Bomb more than he could put into words. So he felt so, so angry when Bomb tried to talk to him again. All he wanted was to help but everything escalated to fast, and then Bomb tries to act like everything was ok when it wasn't.

Helpless.

OJ's not helpless. After all, he's gotten all the way here. OJ was able to think of ideas to push through these challenges. But, he had help the whole way. From Paper, Taco, Pickle, Bomb... Wait, has OJ ever done anything on his own accord before? All  his life, OJ just followed what everyone else did. His mother always guided on what to do, what to study harder on, how to dress, how to speak to people. How to be a good son...

How to be her perfect replica...

Why was he fighting so hard  for her approval anyways? Everytime, OJ tried to make her smile at him, to bring her his next award for her to be proud of. But nothing worked. No shiny medals and certificates ever made her smile at him. 

I just want you to love me... What am I doing wrong?

OJ felt his chest swell in pain as he trembled, tears threatening to burst from his eyes. It took him 18 years to finally get it. 

Why fight for the approval of someone who will never be satisfied?

What am I doing? OJ felt lightheaded. I... I don't know if I should be here... I don't deserve to be here...

OJ was fighting a losing battle for his mother's approval and it costed him greatly. He lost his sense of self, his self esteem, and he lost Bomb because OJ prioritized someone who didn't love him over Bomb. Someone who was actually there for OJ from the start, and showed him the love OJ yearned for. But he threw it all away and now there was nothing between them but guilt and sorrow. A million dollars could never fill the void in OJ's heart now

OJ shouldn't stand here. He shouldn't be here. Everyone fought so hard to be here for a reason, but OJ now has no reason to stand here in the final two. OJ crouched down on the ground and he shook violently, gasping for air. It was hard to breath. He felt like he was about to be torn apart with the amount of pressure OJ felt in his chest. He was usually good at keeping his composure and holding his feelings inside but the fury of emotions where too much for him to bear right now. The tears finally made it's way out of his eyes and OJ started to sob.

"Bomb... I'm sorry... Please forgive me..." OJ sobbed into the empty and cold air, hugging his knees.

He felt like he was being buried alive.

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Hmm...
Idk if this chapter was very good...