The Case of Monachopsis

Chapter 8: Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy

The wait was tranquil. All of Elijah's thoughts were honing in on the satisfaction of seeing the culprit suffer. Though, this was going off of the assumption that the culprit had an intolerance to spicy foods. Elijah wasn't entirely prepared for what he'd do if his plan failed. A knock at the door drew him out of his thoughts and doubts. Elijah rose from his seat, craning his head to see who it might be. Just as he expected, the familiar face of the medical examiner appeared. She wore a cheeky grin as she stepped forward to present Elijah with a bottle of bright orange powder. Elijah's fingers twitched at his side before he reached out to grab the item from Jordan's hands.

"This is the hottest stuff I could get, I hope it's enough. Because, just smelling it earlier made me want to kneel over and die." Jordan said, while Elijah barely managed to hide his eagerness.

He offered an impish smile and eventually sauntered over to the ice box.

"You know," Jordan sighed while her eyes wandered to the food Elijah was coating in peppers, "I get the feeling you used to pull similar pranks back when you and Ira were teenagers in the academy."

"It would have taken a miracle to get Lagear to do something as egregious as spike someone's food." Elijah chuckled, concentrating on mixing the contents of the food to hide the powder. "She took school so seriously. Who could blame her, though? She couldn't practice magic in the traditional sense, so she had to make up for it in other ways."

"You two were really close." Jordan muttered. It wasn't a question, but rather a statement, which Elijah did not deny. "Why do you call her Lagear, though? Why not, Ira?"

Elijah swallowed slowly, bracing his palms on the ice box as he formulated an answer.

"Names are personal. But, they also hold power, as you know." He tilted his head to give Jordan a sideways glance, knowing she probably had extensive knowledge on the matter. After all, it was an important part of necromancy.

"Yes, that's why the worst thing you can do is give your name away to a demon or higher power. But, come on! Calling Ira by her name isn't going to cause the world to end." Jordan pulled a face when Elijah rolled his eyes.

"I haven't called her by her first name since..." Elijah's stomach twisted uncomfortably as he inhaled. "We aren't close anymore."

"You will be." Jordan's expression was locked into a firm mask of hopefulness. "You don't spike a co-worker's food as an act of vengeance and end up not being friends!"

Elijah's lips twitched, a brief upward tilt of the corners of his mouth that Jordan caught in a glance. It was at this moment that Elijah realized why Ira befriended someone like Jordan.

"I'll be off now, lunch is waiting for me in the office." Once she was a good few feet away from Elijah, she waved goodbye.

Stubbornly, Elijah returned the gesture as he fought the urge to grimace. Jordan was the type of person that was so easy to befriend, but Elijah had no intention of making friends. He appreciated the friendly sentiments to a degree. However, the walls he had built were so high that only one person could climb them at the moment. His whirling thoughts returned to his one-eyed friend once more as he settled himself against the kitchen counter. Elijah could only hope that he and Ira would reestablish the closeness they once had.

He stretched, lifting his arms above his head, before he fished out the scroll from his pocket. Elijah went through the motions of finishing the report, unaware of the time that passed. The sound of a door opening lured Elijah back into a state of consciousness. He had expected some random officer to come barging in and gorging himself on the food. Instead, it was Officer McGregor, whom Elijah had found taking one bite of Ira's food and immediately regretting it. The display sent a sharp thrill through Elijah's spine as his gaze fell to McGregor's utility belt. Silver gleamed in Elijah's gray, blue eyes.

'Two birds with one stone', He thought to himself as he strode over to McGregor's side.

"Oh my, are you alright, sir?" Elijah asked with faux concern.

"I can't... breathe... too spicy. I-"

Elijah made a show of his wince and sheepishly glanced over to the mostly untouched container of hot food.

"You're turning bright red! Sir, you should go to the infirmary immediately." He stepped close, sliding one hand over McGregor's shoulder reassuringly as the other reached for the keys around his belt, "Do you need me to escort you there? Or, do you think you can make it on your own?"

"I can... I can-" Officer McGregor waved him off and shifted away from Elijah's touch.

With a concealed smile, Elijah grabbed the keys, going unnoticed. He allowed the officer to step back, away from his grasp, as Elijah held his hands behind himself.

"Okay, if you're sure." Elijah's gaze flickered from the door to the Officer, waiting for his eventual departure.

Without another word, McGregor bolted, and Elijah could hear him wheezing down the hallway like a broken door hinge. It elicited a chuckle from him.

"Serves you right for eating food that isn't yours, you bastard." Elijah mumbled to himself, throwing the keys up in the air triumphantly and catching them.

He twirled around, grabbing a mug out of habit and pouring a coffee for Ira. Excitedly, he glided out of the break room and down the hall, almost spilling some of the hot liquid on his chest as a result. His footsteps were quick but quiet when he approached his sleeping co-worker. He glanced at her with a hint of enthusiasm in his eyes as he set the coffee down on her desk. Elijah slowly reached out to her shoulders.

"Lagear, wake up." Elijah gently shook her.

Jostled awake, Ira rubbed her eyes, which felt like they hadn't been acquainted with moisture in a very long time.

"Shit," Ira mumbled, still sounding considerably tired , "How long was I out for?"

Elijah checked the time on the scroll and winced. "Nearly half the day. It's almost dinner time."

"HALF?!" Ira's mouth went agape in panic. "Oh no, I'm going to be so behind on work."

She reached for the scroll in Elijah's hand, frantically preparing to see a workload of unfinished paperwork. However, what greeted her was a much more pleasant sight. It seemed as though everything was rearranged and accounted for. Ira glanced questioningly at the form beside her.

"Who did this?" Ira pursed her lips, reviewing the report a second time for good measure.

"Whoever it is, he must be a really nice guy." Elijah teased.

"Nice guys don't gloat." Ira rolled her eyes slowly, fighting the urge to smile.

"This one does." Elijah winked.

Ira stifled a chuckle, before picking up her cup of coffee and taking an egregious sip.

"I liked it better when you were an asshole." She lied, as a grin spread across her face.

"Who says I haven't stopped being one? Why don't you ask Officer McGregor about why he took a trip to the nurse's office after consuming food that wasn't his? And, why do I have his keys?" Elijah revealed the item in question, causing Ira to take a deep breath.

"W-What?" Ira choked as a result of the coffee going down the wrong tube.

"I may or may not have taken the liberty of figuring out the culprit behind your stolen lunches." Elijah said, indifferently as he leaned on the desk for support.

Ira shot another questioning glance at Elijah. "You had way too much free time on your hands."

"Jordan helped." Elijah eventually added.

"I mean, of course she would, but how?" She asked with a hint of amusement in her tone.

"I asked her to go buy peppers for me during her lunch break." Elijah explained while his animal-like ears flicked as a result of Ira's zeal.
Ira raised an eyebrow at that, well aware of how compliant Jordan could be if it meant helping out a friend. Her head fell forward, and Ira chuckled as Elijah smiled. Eventually, the laughter subsided, and Ira slumped deeper into her chair, not knowing what to do next.

Elijah noticed the long period of silence as Ira seemed to be lost in a whirlwind of thoughts. "Is something wrong, Lagear?"

"I've never been done with work early before... I'm not sure what to do." The truth was, Ira didn't know how to function outside of work. She considered the idea of working on her manuscript but was unable to muster the motivation to start.

"Dinner in the breakroom? I promise I didn't add peppers to the last of your food." Elijah suggested, tilting his head to the side innocently.

"If you did, I'm making you eat the rest of it and kick your ass." Ira leaned back, arms crossed.

"Then, I'm thankful my ass will be spared." Elijah replied, confidently.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to domesticate me." Ira said, accusingly.

"Nonsense, though I see where Jordan got the phrase from." Elijah simply replied.

He watched as Ira stopped wearing her shoulders as earrings when she entered the breakroom. A smile bloomed on his face, one that went unnoticed.