didn't read the note on the polaroid picture

2 (conrads pov)

It was killing me, this whole week I thought something was there, there will always be something there with Belly and I, but it was different, every time I saw her everything, all these feelings came flooding back, I needed to know if she felt the same way.

I didn't think that going to one of Steven's college friends' parties would be a good idea, but since it was in Cousins and It our last night, I decided it would be fun, let loose, be zen?

I had to leave earlier than everyone else because of how early my class was tomorrow, if I missed anymore school I would be fucked for the final semester. The only person I cared about saying goodbye to right now was Belly,  when we were together I didn't even really know where I stood, I knew we were in a relationship but I didn't know myself, and that's why I tried to walk away, so I wouldn't hurt her even more during that process, but It ended up being even worse.

I took the Polaroid that Steven took of us out of my wallet and took a sharpie from the Kitchen I was in and wrote a note on the back of the picture, this was almost a last resort, I knew it was too late, so if she didn't listen to me, which she had every right to not listen but, really, if she didn't, she would have this.

I had seen Belly and Jere go outside, so that's were I went, I walked through the living room, squeezing through all the sweaty bodies dancing, beer spilling in all different directions. I opened the sliding door, they were no where to be seen, so I called out "Belly!" I waited for a minute before I saw Jere come out behind a bush walking toward the door "You good man?" I said before he could reach the door "Fine" he said, before shutting the door behind him, I looked from the door back to the bush to were he came out of, I saw Belly standing to the side of it, I could tell she was upset, she always picked at the side of her thumb when she was nervous, or upset, she started walking up to me, when she stopped in front of me she had her head down, I had no idea what could have happened so all I said was "Are you ok?" she she nodded, wiping her cheeks, "I'm fine" when she said it she sounded like she was trying to convince herself that she was fine, but I didn't want to make her more upset so I continued, "I just uh-" my hand were shaking, my heart started beating out of my chest when I realized she was looking at me now, "I, um, I have to go, I have class tomorrow so I was just coming to say goodbye" I could see the tears forming in her eyes again, I wasn't sure what Jere said to her, but she was clearly upset, I hated it when she was. She wasn't saying anything back, my chance was over so.. "And I wanted to give you this" I held out the picture, she looked down at it, she smiled, I think she tried to do it so I wouldn't see, but I saw, you can't miss it, she took it out of my hand, her thumb brushing against mine, "Thank you" she said, I had hope in my eyes, I could feel it, I tried to drain it away but I couldn't around her, "That's ok" I said back, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around my neck, I thought I was having heart palpitations, I'm pretty sure she was able to feel my heart beat when her chest was against mine, I had to try, "You know I'll always be here" I said, it took everything in me too, I let out  breath, "I'll always be here for you, you know that right?" I knew she knew, but I needed confirmation, she nodded against my shoulder, my whole body was drawn to her, when she started to pull away, I put my forehead against hers, It was now or never "Belly-" she shook her head "Conrad I can't.." It was like someone dunked a ice cold bucket of water over my head, I knew it was coming, I just wished I prepared for it, "Belly" I said again, I whispered it, almost just saying it to myself, "I just can't" she whispered back, I wanted to scream why, but I didn't, she had her reasons,  she started walking inside, when she went through the door, I started walking after her, there was this invisible force, always pulling me in her direction, "Belly!" I called out, She stopped, looking at me, and then looking the other way, I couldn't see what she was looking at, but she kept looking back and forth, she took two tiny steps in my direction, shivers went up my whole spine, she was coming to me, I thought, she looked me, right in the eyes, she looked to drained, upset, she looked sorry, the color in my face drained when I saw her start to walk the other way, I felt faint when I saw who she was walking too, and then what happened when she stopped in front of him. Belly was the only thing that ever stayed constant in my life, our relationship has always carried the weight of what-ifs and what-could-have-beens, but it also echoes with the beauty of a love that endures, regardless of the paths we have ever choose to walk, so seeing her kiss him came with a flood of conflicting emotions surged within me, like a tumultuous tide. Betrayal almost, clawed at my heart, mingling with a deep sense of loss that threatened to overwhelm me. In that moment, I realized how deeply he had yearned for Belly's love, and the sight of her in his arms, her touching him in that way was a bitter reminder of the unrequited affection I had kept hidden for so long, all because of all the shit I had hanging over my head. A mix of anguish and resignation settled upon me. My ears started to ring, heart rate surely exceeding the natural limit, I didn't know how long I had been standing there, but I knew she was looking at me, when I regained consciousness, I put my head down, avoiding her eye Contact, and starting walking towards the stairs, when I got up there kicked open a door to a random room, Jeremiah and Stevens heads flicked over to the door "Jesus man" Steven said "You scared the shit outta me" I wiped at my nose, "Sorry" I said, I looked over at Jeremiah, "You leaving?" I said, he looked at me like he had done something wrong, he looked to the floor and nodded "Yeah uh, I think I'm going to take Belly back too, I mean she's pretty tired I think she wants to leave" I clenched my jaw and sucked in a breath "Drive home safe" I said, picking my keys up of a table, Jereimah nodded, I walked out of the room, I knew Belly had followed me, I could feel her eyes on me as I walked past her and down the stairs, I needed to leave, I couldn't face her.