didn't read the note on the polaroid picture

time jump (bellys pov)

(first bits come directly from the book! I take no owner ship in the first part of this time jump, also I promise it gets to the polaroid)

'I'd always pride myself on how I remembered every detail'

"I won't be the reason you don't go to him. I won't be your excuse. You've got to see for yourself, or you'll never be able to let him go." I have always found myself struggling to let go of Conrad, despite the passage of time and the many changes that had occurred. The memories we had shared, the laughter and secrets exchanged, all those little moments that were carved in the shapes of little stars at the back of my brain, all seemed to be etched deeply within my heart. Even as life moved forward, the echoes of the connection we had... or still have, remained ever-present, holding me in a bittersweet embrace, I found it to be the most comforting feeling. No matter how much I try to move on, Conrad's presence lingers in my thoughts, a constant reminder of an unforgettable love that had left an indelible mark on my soul, but right now, on the day of my wedding, standing in front of Jeremiah, I needed to try put those feelings aside if I wanted to make this work.

"I already have," I whispered.

Jeremiah shook his head. "No, you haven't. The worst part is, I knew you haven't and I still asked you to marry me. So I guess I'm partly to blame too, huh?" He was right,

"No." I said, softly, almost convincing myself,

He acted like he didn't hear me. "He will let you down, because that's what he does. That's who he is."

I stepped toward him and filled the space between us. "I think—I think I'll always love him a little bit. I'll always have him in my heart. But he's not the one I choose. I choose you, Jeremiah." Tell yourself that Belly, tell him that and maybe you'll come out of this with no regret, or all regret, 'Go big, or go home'.

All my life, I never felt like I had a choice when it came to Conrad. Now I knew it wasn't true. I did have a choice. I chose to walk away, then and now, I chose the boy who would never walk away from me, but, I'll always remember how Jeremiah's actions had left an undeniable trail of hurt and disappointment in my life, But my heart still held a deep yearning for him to be the one who would finally commit to me, to promise a future together. I had envisioned a life where maybe, just maybe, our love would solidify into something lifelong , where we would walk hand in hand through challenges and joys that life had to offer. However, as time passed, it became painfully evident that his hesitations and uncertainties were barriers that couldn't be overcome. The longing in my eyes I'm sure mirrored desire for him to take that step, to choose me completely, but, Jere and I's relationship, now found itself ensnared in the discordant notes of another man's presence, Conrad's presence, and I hated that I still loved him, that I let my memories get between Jeremiah and I. Each interaction, innocent or not, became a fragment of doubt that crept insidiously into what could have been. The subtle shifts in my demeanor, the stolen glances that lingered a tad too long than I let them, all whispered a narrative of longing that Jeremiah I guess couldn't Ignore, I was so furious at myself, nothing I could say to him would make him sure that I am completely over Conrad, but he's right I'm not. 

For the rest of my life, I was going to remember those words. Everything Jeremiah said to me that day, our wedding day, I would remember. I would remember the words Jeremiah said and the way he looked at me when he said them. With pity, and with bitterness. I hated myself for being the one who made him bitter, because that was one thing he'd never been.

I reached up and laid my palm on his cheek. He could have pushed my hand away, he could have recoiled at my touch. He didn't. Just that one tiny thing told me what I needed to know—that Jere was still Jere and nothing could ever change that.

"I still love you," he said, and the way he said it, I knew that if I wanted him to, he would still marry me. Even after everything that had happened.

There are moments in every girl's life that are bigger than we know at the time. When you look back, you say, that was one of those life-changing, fork-in-the-road moments and I didn't even see it coming. I had no idea.

And then there are the moments that you know are big.

That whatever you do next, there will be an impact. Your life could go one of two directions. Do or die.

This was one of those moments. Big. They didn't get much bigger than this.

Amidst the tapestry of our shared history, I had to realize that Jeremiah and I stood at a crossroads of emotional reckoning, facing a decision that would shape the contours of our intertwined lives, this was his brother we were talking about here. We knew that the vows of marriage would demand a foundation stronger than fleeting moments of happiness, that our union would be tested by the very fissures they had so skillfully avoided addressing. In a moment of rare clarity, I guess we had to acknowledge that love alone wasn't always a sufficient tether. With bittersweet resolve, we had to chose to unravel the threads that bound us, reminding us that the freedom to pursue separate destinies was a greater act of love than clinging to what was no longer meant to be, that we were never meant to be.

When he left, my knees went weak, I put my arms of the top of my dresser, sobbing into them, I must have knocked the dresser hard, because when I looked up, I saw one of the pictures all us kids ever took at cousins, I had to be twelve, maybe thirteen, I still had glasses, and braces, Conrad and I were standing in the middle, he had his arm around me, and I was looking up at him, It was the same picture Jeremiah showed me when Aunt Julia had come to cousins to try sell the house, "Look at the way your mooing over Conrad"  Jeremiah had said to me, I had taken it out of that book the night we thought was the last night in Cousins when me and Jere went back to the house, I put it in my pocket, the same pocket I had the Polaroid Conrad had given to me. When we got the house back and everything was back in my room, I had the same pants on, It still had those pictures in it, I stuck that photo of us as kids in the side of the mirror and the Polaroid of Conrad and I next to it. When I looked up, the Polaroid had fallen down, it was upside down, It had writing, I picked it up with both hands, they were shaking, my eyes were still blurry from crying, I rubbed my eyes so I was able to read it properly, it read:

'We'll always have summer Belly'

Thats when I knew in my heart, a vast landscape of emotions and memories, held a sacred chamber reserved exclusively for Conrad. Like an old, cherished book on a dusty shelf, his presence remained timeless, a testament to a chapter that had shaped me in profound ways. The way his laughter had danced in my ears and his gaze had felt like a silent promise, for all these years – these fragments of our shared history were etched deep within me. He was the first boy I had ever loved,  I felt the bittersweet taste of missed chances, the unspoken words that hung heavy in the air, even when he was gone. They all painted a portrait of a connection that defied the passing years. Even as life ushered in new beginnings and the seasons changed, and as summers went by, that space reserved for Conrad remained untouched by the currents of time, untouched by even Jeremiah. His impact on me, that pull on me was like a gentle echo,  a reminder that some love stories, though they may not follow the path of fairy tales, are no less powerful in their permanence.