The Teacher's Pet

Chapter Fourteen

James Levine:
Dear Diary,
Not that I keep one. I just need to talk about this with someone, sure as hell not my brothers. They will laugh in my face, and my parents, even harder. Friends? I don't have them, I don't need them to survive.
But today was hard, that is why I am writing in one of those dumb, fancy, way too expensive notebooks. But I am the idiot who bought one of them, just because my therapist advised me to. I will rip this whole thing to shreds before she even gets a chance to read what's inside this.
That's besides the point, the real thing that goes through my mind right now is Kat. She, and no one else, nothing else. Her well being is all I care about, her being in the hospital was concerning enough, but her fainting in front of my eyes, just while I am talking to her. That's the drip that made the bucket overflow.
Doctor's said it was- just like the other time -due to stress. That I really have to help her lessen the stress.
Which is why I decided it's better to stay away from her. That won't be easy for me, sure it will be hard for her, but not harder than it is for me. I feel her obsession through my bones, my obsession is just as strong, if not stronger. I would give up this stupid side job as a teacher up for her in a heartbeat. Getting fired from this job is worth it. For her.
This girl. Is mine. Mine truly, mine forever. Mine to claim, mine to kiss, mine to own, mine to hold close to me, mine to protect.
The air she breathes, I own it, if she breathes, it's because I made her. And if another man ever dare to lay a hand on her, I will personally make sure, they won't see the daylight again. Just like Liam.
One day, when she's not in a hospital bed, I will make sure she knows it too.

Kat is moving a little, I squeeze her hand to let her know everything is going to be okay and I'm here for her. I will always be there for her. Just a simple gesture that speaks a million words between us. A simple squeeze that relieves most of the tension.
While I was simply writing in my diary,- locked out from the world, staring down at the trees and cars through the window. The view is so raw and perfect from so high. I even counted, 17 stories up. -Kat's parents came up. Her dad started screaming something to me, that I had something to do with this. Bla bla bla, I didn't hear 90 percent of it. Just that he called me a monster, that I'm too old for her, asking if I had feelings for her, how I met her. I obviously ignored all questions. If they really would've wanted an answer they would ask again. And besides, currently, I have a million things I could and would rather do than sit here. But I'll do anything for my girl, even if that means, not sleeping for days, staying by her side and missing out on all important things. I even missed teaching class today, half of the students won't even mind, The girls are only attending so they can stare at me with drool dripping out of their mouths. But who am I to care? It helps my ego.
"Where is James?" The sweet voice sounds from the bed, the voice of the love of my life. The purest and heartwarming voice I've ever heard. The voice of a girl who would give anything for anyone.
"Right here b..." I cut myself off from giving her any nicknames, now that her parents are on the other side of the bed.
They look angry, angry that she asked for me first when she woke up. I am the first thing she thinks of when she wakes up. My sweet girl.
"I'm right here," I repeat, holding her hand tightly as if it might fall off any second.
"Don't leave my side."
"Never."
"We're here with you princess, mom and dad will make sure everything is okay."
I face away from them to roll my eyes excessively. Maybe it's because I don't know much about parenting love toward a child, maybe it's because I'm envious, not just of her parents loving her, but of her loving other people. Or it's all three.
It doesn't matter if I tell myself to stay away from her a million times, I will not listen to it. It is impossible not to be with her, not to have her close, in my arms, in my vision, in my embrace.
"Did I faint again?" The weakness of her voice reminds me that it really is better to stay away. As much as I hate it. She can't handle me being near her.
If she keeps looking at me the way that she does, I might be the next to pass out, right here, next to her bed. The touch, the eye contact, the tension. It's all becoming too much, no air is allowed into my lungs, I need to get out of here.
"I will get the doctor."
Without answering her question I leave the room. Her eyes are pierced in my back as I walk away, tracing my every movement, hoping I would just turn around and take her in my embrace. Trust me, I want that too baby. You make me blind with love.
Through the mirror in the door, I catch my last glance at her. At her perfect body, the body that is so full of stress, because of me and my actions. The body that once will be mine. First, she needs time, to heal, to figure herself and her feelings out. Come on James, can't you even give her time.
I sigh and push myself away from the door hard. The distance is already killing me.
"Doctor, she's awake, you might want to check on her soon enough." I say to the nearest doctor walking through the bright hallways.
"Thank you sir."
Instead of walking to the room with the doctor I tell him, "Room A70." And make my way down the hallways, to the nearest exit.
The fresh air hits me right in my lungs, fresh air I didn't know I needed.
My back hits the wall of the hospital, slowly I sink down on my knees. Never in my life have I said goodbye to someone, even temporary. It hurts more than I expected, this is the exact reason why I told myself not to fall in love, that love will only hurt. Hundreds of thoughts cross my mind, but the main one is wondering if I should stay away from Kat for the rest of my life. But the answer is already given too. I could never do that, I am too deep in already.
My hands slide into my hair, running through every thick lock.
The world might be at war in multiple places right now and I am wondering if it's better to leave the love of my life alone or not.
Kat could kill me, Kat could hit me, Kat could stab me, Kat could even hurt me mentally, and I would still love her more than anything in this world.
It hits me right then and there, that I am deeply in love with Katherine, and there is no escape to this trap called love.