That's Enough for Me

Care

Everyone was officially ungrounded. We all got into a van and started driving to the lake, where we could get onto the jetskies.

I sat beside Felix and luckily we were able to get our phones back. So we spent the entire time talking about random things and honestly, I love how we're starting off as friends. Now I know I like him for more than just his looks. He's also really easy to talk to, such a chill person... For the most part.

"I'm telling you, man, it's ice." Felix pointed to the multiple chains and the watch he had on. "No one got this drip like I do." He was utterly dead serious.

I couldn't help but chuckle. Seeing how Felix wasn't always this ball of innocent sunshine made me like him even more.

"Shut the hell up; that shit is cheap metal." I told him, mostly to get a reaction out of him.

"Well, that's a cheap-looking shirt!" He fired back, looking me up and down in disgust.

I gasped, probably a bit too loud, but I didn't care. "This is my favourite shirt! How dare you!!" I exclaimed while clutching my shirt. It was not my favourite shirt.

"And it looks cheap." He huffed before we both bust out laughing. We weren't serious.... Or else we'd pretend we weren't.

The van stopped, and we got to the lake. As everyone started undressing because we were about to get on the jetski, I realized.

I'm about to see Felix topless. Oh god, I've imagined him having a tiny waist and a slim body figure that fit perfectly in my hands.

I looked over to him after he took off his "Ice," and he took his shirt off. The white piece of fabric was off, so now I can see-

...

Why is he ripped?

He has an incredibly toned six-pack and... I don't find it attractive. For the first time in my life, I don't find the Lee Felix attractive. I just don't like muscular guys I guess? I mean... I kinda wish I was turned on right now, but I'm just not...

"Like what you see?" Felix noticed my staring and teased me with a smirk as he showed off his abs. He seemed really proud of them.

"How'd you get so ripped?" I asked before removing my shirt and immediately putting on the lifejacket.

"I did taekwondo, remember?" He put on his life jacket and started heading toward the jet skis.

I followed after him, and I thought to myself. Why didn't I find him attractive with his shirt off? I felt like such an ass... Of course, I still really like him, but I really like femboys, but oddly enough, not women.

I wish I liked women. My life would be so much easier. I tried, I really tried to make myself attracted to women, but I couldn't do it. I just can't look at them the way I look at men. 

If I liked girls, then I wouldn't have to worry about coming out to someone and seeing their whole perspective of me change just because I like boys. It sucks seeing someone's face force a smile and say. "Oh... well, ok. Good for you." No, it isn't good for me. It's terrible. It's terrible that everyone sees me differently just because of who I prefer to fall in love with. I wish I could say I never cared about my sexuality, but I would be lying.

I'm really handsome, too, so sometimes people even get mad at me for being gay because my good looks were wasted on some gay guy who can't even get a date, even though girls always try to hit on me. There's even a rumour that I lie about being gay just because I thought all those girls weren't good enough for me. That's not true, I always feel like crying after I reject them, majority of them were really nice and understanding.