Vent Posts

Secrets

I just finished watching Heartstopper. And if you haven't watch it then you should. Its a gay show. It talks about how it's like being gay and what they have to deal with. Dealing with bullys and family. But in the end everything will work out. I just finished the season 2 its now 1am. I just couldn't stop watching it. But at the end the main characters Charlie and Nick were both talking. And Charlie opened up about his bullying and that he really believed what people said about it. That he was disgusting. And that he had cut himself because of it. And I was talking to myself and saying that. Its really hard to tell people what you're going through. Because at that time you feel like no one cares or you don't want to borther that person. And Nick wanted Charlie to promise to tell him if it gets bad again and Charlie paused. And I felt that because I made a promise to my brother to tell him whatever anything goes bad. And I broke it. Its hard to keep a promise like that. I never realized how hard it would be and I do hate that I did. I didn't tell anyone how I was feeling. My friends, family, siblings. No one. And I have been suffering for years and I just kept quiet. I wanted to be strong for everyone around me. I wanted to be there to help them and not myself. I couldn't and just snapped. I broke down in my class and had to leave. I went too my counselor room and just cried. I just broke. Everything I was carrying just broke me. I lost myself. I had lost myself years before that but never showed it. When I'm alone I have no look on my face and just think. Intill I just start crying. I cried yesterday because my life has just crumbled. I broke up with my boyfriend and I hate myself for it. Asked him again and now hes with someone else. I was a terrible girlfriend. My pain was getting worse. And I didn't treat him like one. I just talked about my problems. I made a mistake and I regret it. He follows me on here so hopefully he doesn't see this. But my life has just completely crashed. And I can't talk about it. I lost someone I trusted and it was my fault.