Lamb to the slaughter

Hospital

The car ride to the hospital was silent and I could tell that Jaz was tense and eager.

The way to the hospital was a long straight bumpy road with small curves once and awhile, with trees covering the sun. Jaz's leg stops bouncing and I look over at his stopped leg, then to his face.

Our eyes meet. Jaz opens his mouth to say something but all that comes it is a shaking sigh.

I speak up, "What are the chances that she's already gone."

"Don't think about that." He says slowly, "She's not d-...gone.."

"Really? You really think she'll still be alive the time we get there?"

"Well.. I don't know. I'm hoping she is."

"And if she isn't?" I state flatly. "What would you do then?"

"I'd-" he pauses, "I don't know.."

I stop talking and rest my head on the window.

The car was silent. No music. No talking. No breathing. Nothing.

~~~

A tear rolls down my face as we park.

The car stops, pulling me forward of the back of the car seat.

Jaz gets out of the car and stands by the door for me.

That's kind of nice..

What?

Jaz, nice? That's a funny joke.

I get out of the car and walk over to the door next to Jaz. My eyes water as we walked into the building.

"Good morning! How may I help you? Are you two here to visit?" The lady at the front desk asks.

Jaz speaks up, "Yeah.. we're here to see Valeriana Haven."

"Alright! I'll search for one now!" The lady pauses before speaking again, "I'm sorry. We don't have a Valeriana Haven in any of our rooms."

What?

No.

"I'm sorry, you must have spelt it wrong. It's, V-a-l-e-r-i-a-n-a H-a-v-e-n." I squeak out.

"I apologize honey, but we don't have one." She looks into my eyes, "I'm sure she will be in the next hospital down. I can call them and ask for you."

"Yes please, thank you so much."

"Oh it's no problem, you can wait over in those seats and I'll call you up when I have an answer."

"Mhm." My voice is shallow and small.

Jaz holds onto my hand as he pulls me to sit down. I look at him weird we he doesn't let go after we sit.

"Sorry." He says with his head down. "I'm worried about Val.. I don't want her gone."

I look him in the eye and state, "She's not gone, she's just in another hospital, we'll see her soon." I say hopefully.

"That's not what you said in the car."

"Car me was stupid."

"Your always stupid."

"Says you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means.. Vals not gone."

"But.. what if she is thought."

"She's-"

The lady at the front desk calls us over.

We walk -still holding hands- to the desk.

"I'm sorry, the other hospitals don't seem to have her either."

Jaz's head sinks down, and I can feel the tears rolling down.

Jaz thanks the lady and we walk out to the car. We stop at the front of the car, not wanting to let go of each other. My hand slips away and I walk to the passengers side. Jaz stands still at the front of the car, head down. I look at the ground below him at the tear marks on the ground.

~~~

When he starts driving I can see the hope slip from his eyes.

I've never really thought about it but.. Jaz is pretty handsome.

I mean-

His strong arms, broad shoulders and slim torso.

He's perfectly my type.

But I would never like him.

He's just my friend and that's all.

We're just comforting each other. That's all.

~~~

Telling our parents was the worst part.

Them trying to make us feel better. I could feel the pity from planets away, it sickens me.

I got up to my room and just sat on my bed. Trying to wake up from the nightmare.

Finally. I let myself cry.

They came out like rough waves. Every time I think I've calmed down, more come.

It feels good to let go.

To cry.