Resistance to Existence

Holding On Too Tight

She sighed at the mirror. Why couldn't her hair just cooperate just once.

Debby hated her hair. She hated it with a passion. She wasn't one of those girls who could just brush their hair and walk out the door. She was one who had to spend at least twenty minutes working on it, and even then people would ask her if she meant for her hair to look like she had just woken up. She knew that she wanted to change something about it, but she couldn't figure out what.

It wasn't that her hair was particularly ugly or weird looking. She had nice, wavy brown hair. It grew nicely, and she kept it to where it met the middle of her rib cage. She just hated it. Maybe she thought that it didn't really fit her personality. Maybe she thought that her outside didn't really match the inside. Whatever it was, she was desperate to fix it.

That's why she decided to do something about her ridiculous obsession with fixing the unfixable.

——

Living alone was amazing, she thought to herself as she walked out the door. She didn't have to explain to anyone why she decided to just leave her apartment. She didn't have to justify eating an entire box of cereal in one sitting. She didn't have to explain why she sometimes didn't eat for a few days, or why some of her shirts had bloodstained sleeves. When her thoughts got too loud, she could play her music as loud as she wanted, cry as much as she needed, and write as much as she could. She only had to get out of bed when she had to pee on her days off. In this particular case, she didn't have to explain why she left her apartment at 8 am on her day off.

She was so engrossed in these thoughts that she didn't hear the boy asking her a question until he lightly touched her shoulder. Instincts forced her to flinch and hide her face, but when she realized that he wasn't going to hurt her, she looked up.

"Is this seat taken?" he asked shyly.

She blushed as she took in his features. His purple hair was almost shaven on the sides, and at the top he had styled it into a small peak. He had a nose ring, and his ears had silver gauges in them. She noticed that he had soft, kind eyes.

He was still looking at her expectantly when she realized that he was still waiting for her to answer.

"No, it's open." She managed to squeak out, before her face turned an even darker shade of red.

He chuckled, and then sat beside her. She shook her hair so it covered her face, and mentally cursed herself for being so shy. She wanted to ask him about his hair, and how it felt to dye it, but she didn't think she could ask that of a complete stranger.

"I really like your hair." She looked around startled, wondering why, just why, those words had to come tumbling out of her mouth.

He looked at her, even more surprised than she did.

"Really?" He asked, looking at her in disbelief.

She nodded, not trusting her voice at this point. He just looked at her, shocked.

"The only person who's ever said that to me is my best friend Tyler. I thought it made me look like a fairy, or like a troll doll." He chuckled at the end, which made her smile.

"I think you look punk rock. Not like a troll at all. How did you dye it?" Her eyes widened as she asked. She had no idea where all this confidence came from.

"I had to bleach it first, which I had to do in a hair cutting place. It was pretty embarrassing to be sitting there with all the little old ladies getting their hair done at the same time, but those ladies were so nice. Are you thinking of dying yours?"

"I don't really know what I want to do with it right now. I just hate what I have going on right now, and I think that I should just change it. Now that I see your hair though, I think I'm going purple. It looks awesome." She smiled at the end of her sentence, completely bewildered. Did this count as flirting? She doesn't flirt. Ever. Relationships are just trouble.

"You hate your hair? I think it's so pretty, and it looks awesome on you, but you do you. It's your hair and I totally get the hating it part. My hair was so irritating before I dyed it. Now I've come to terms with it. Are you going right now to get it done?" He was shocked. He never talked to anyone other than his family and Tyler, and all of a sudden he was getting close with a stranger. Was he flirting? He never flirted. Relationships just seemed like trouble.

"Yeah I was thinking of going right now to see what I want to do with it. Do you know any place that I should go?" She was completely shocked. She never did this. Boys meant trouble and pain, as her last relationship has shown. She still looks over her shoulder for him.

"Well if you don't mind little old ladies getting their hair done at the same time, you could go to The Little Hair Shoppe. It's at the next stop."

"Thank you so much...." She trailed off, realising that she never got his name.

"Oh no problem. I'm Josh by the way. What's your name?"

"Debby."

"Well Debby, this morning has been fun. Could I give you my number so I can see the final product that my hair has inspired?" He was startled at how forward he was being. He blushed, hoping that it wasn't too much for her.

She blushed, and then dug out her phone and handed it to him. She had no idea what had gotten into her. She started off this morning ready to shave her head, and now she's getting a boy's number on the bus.

He quickly typed something, and then she heard a soft ping from his pocket.

"There. Now I have your number, and you have mine. Text me some time," he said with a smile.

She stood up, and got off the bus. She saw the hair salon, and started walking towards it. Today was going to be a good day.