Resistance to Existence

Make You Believe

*Ring Ring*

"Hey, this is Josh. Leave a message."

"Uh, hey Josh, it's Debby. Umm I was going to see if you wanted to go get ice cream with me so I could show you my hair, so call me back. Thanks."

Debby shook her head. Why couldn't she leave a message like a normal person? She sounded like she didn't even want him to go. How hard could it be for her to just be normal? She just wanted to show off her new hair, and now Josh is probably going to think that she's obsessed with him.

Why did these thoughts always end up in her head? She used to be so carefree and happy, and now she struggles to get out of bed most days. Some days, she looked in the mirror and she absolutely hated who she saw looking back at her. She would look at her stomach and hate what she saw. Everything about herself was repulsive, and there was no way to convince her otherwise. She truly thought that she was unlovable. Little did she know that Josh also had thoughts like these. He hated what he saw. His best friend Tyler was skinnier than he was, Tyler was more attractive, Tyler got all the girls. He was repulsive and drowning in self hate, and no one could save him.

Her thoughts got steadily louder, until she couldn't take it any longer. She looked over at the box containing the silver that controlled her life, and reached for it. Her hand closed around the tiny blade, and she pulled up her skirt. Soon her thighs were covered in blood, but she wasn't stopping soon. The blood started to pour down her legs, and she finally stopped. She looked at what she had done, and was immediately disgusted with herself. Why couldn't she stop cutting her legs?

—

Tyler was gone. He didn't care about Josh. He left Josh alone when he needed him the most. The world would be better off if he just died. His family hated how he took up space in their house. No one actually loved him. Even Debby though he was psychotic. Who wouldn't?

Josh's thoughts got louder and louder until he couldn't take anymore. He looked at the blade in his hand, and slowly drew it across his wrist. He was painting a picture with a bloody twist. His phone started buzzing, but he just ignored it. It was probably just someone calling to tell him how messed up he is.

He didn't know how long he sat there staring at the blood running down his hands, but when he heard the footsteps coming up the stairs, he knew it was time to clean up his mess. He had just finished putting cotton bandages on his arms when his door flew open.

"Josh, why? I thought you said you would call me if you ever wanted to again." Tyler looked at his friend in disbelief. He couldn't understand why Josh would do this to himself.

"I didn't think you cared anymore. Why would you?" Josh answered, looking down at his dark blue bedspread.

Tyler didn't say anything, he just pulled Josh into his arms. They hugged long enough for them both to start crying. The whole time, Tyler was thinking about how he had done this same thing not long ago. He hoped that he could help Josh get through whatever was bothering him. When they pulled back, Josh looked appreciatively at Tyler.

"Thank you Tyler," Josh mumbled, while picking at the end of his shirt.

"No problem man. Let's go get Taco Bell. That'll take your mind off of it." Tyler replied. He just blurted out the first distraction that came to mind, but when Josh started to pull his shoes on, he knew that he had made the right choice.

—

The two boys stepped out of the car, and started walking towards the neon-lighted building. They ordered their food and sat down at the strangely sticky booth to wait for their food. When their number was called, Josh went up to grab their food. He was walking with his head down, which was probably not the best idea, given how clumsy he is. When he suddenly rammed into someone, he was startled to say the least. He was even more startled when he looked up and saw that he had just knocked Debby to the ground.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry Debby! Are you okay? I wasn't looking where I was going, I'm so- wait. You dyed your hair! It looks awesome!" Josh rambled while he helped a very red-faced Debby to her feet.

"Yeah I did. I was planning on showing you earlier, but you never called me back." Debby said, somewhat scathingly.

"I'm sorry, I haven't looked at my phone all day," Josh replied, while sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. "Would you like to sit with my friend Tyler and I?" He asked, trying his best to sound cool and not as nervous as he was.

Debby looked over his shoulder at where Tyler was sitting, and decided that it was one of the cleaner booths. "Sure. Only because it's the only booth that isn't covered in taco crumbs. My butt still hurts from where I landed." She answered him with a small smile, so that he would know that she wasn't actually mad. She wasn't sure why, but being around Josh just made her happy, and she liked being happy.Josh's stomach leaped at the idea of sitting with Debby, but then he remembered that Tyler was there.

"If you go get your food ordered, I'll go tell Tyler that you're going to sit with us."

Josh didn't know what he was going to say to Tyler, but he hoped that Tyler wouldn't be embarrassing.

"Who were you talking to?" Tyler asked, with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle.

"That's Debby. I told you about her. She's the girl I met on the bus." Josh responded, trying his absolute hardest to not blush.

"Oh the Debby that you're in love with? The Debby with the beautiful eyes? The Debby with the most adorable giggle? That Debby?" Tyler asked, while looking over Josh's shoulder. Josh turned around, and was met with a blushing Debby. His face immediately turned an even darker shade of red. He was going to kill Tyler.