Bedroom Disasters [Sasuke x Reader]

CRUD!

Sasuke and I were watching television as we sat on the couch in comfortable positions; my feet were placed on his lap while the rest of me lay down on the unoccupied cushions. Absentmindedly, my hand reached for my coochie to scratch an itch away. I caught a funny look from Sasuke to which I asked, "What are you looking at?" 

As blunt as he could possibly be, he said flatly, "Sometimes, I wonder why I'm with you." 

If it were anyone else, that would have been an insult. I shrugged and said, "I like to think it's because I give good smex, you give bad smex." 

"Tch. You were abstinent until I came along." 

"So were you." 

"..." 

"And besides, I read more Icha Icha Paradise than you." 

"..." 

"And I think I watch more Icha Icha-" 

Sasuke reached over to clamp my mouth with his hand, preventing me from continuing anymore. "Shut up." 

I mumbled unintelligibly before pushing his hand away from me. "Your palm's really sweaty. In fact, you're really sweaty. Go away." Darkness casted over me when he shifted positions to linger above me. He leaned down to give me a kiss on the lips and murmured against me, "Let's take a shower then." I felt his chubby chubs hard against my thigh.  

"Daaayum, someone's really thorny today-" I cut myself off when he picked me up in bridal style quite hastily, taking me by surprise. I wrapped my arms around his neck and I coyly looked up at him. "So, are we going to take a cold shower?" 

He rolled his eyes at me and roughly put me down, causing me to stumble. "Don't be stupid." He began to remove his clothing and I noticed something I hadn't noticed before. "Sasuke..." I said slowly. 

"Hn."  

It was clear his attention was focused on becoming nakey, but my attention was on his vanilla shooter. "Is it me or did it get shorter?" I reached out to poke it. He slapped my hand away and glared. "No." 

"Oh my god." I began to snicker when realization dawned on me and poked it once more, deftly avoiding his incoming slap. "You've been taking those supplements to increase your size, but it did the exact opposite!*"  

He adamantly denied it and attempted to steer me back to the topic of showering but failed to do so. "I've seen those small pill bottles you've got lying around in the drawer. You think you're slick? Hell naw!" I guffawed.  

Then he finally muttered with shame, "The doctor misheard me and prescribed me the wrong pills." 

"Whatever the case, I'm sure you can still impale me with your katana... since it's not so much a spear anymore." I quickly undressed before he could object further and turned on the water for the shower head. Stepping in, I motioned for him to come towards me and sensually touched my bazoombas. "Come and get all of this, big boy." 

Then, we just stood in the shower like nitwits as we stared into each other's eyes with blazing passion.  

Nah, just kidding. 

Sasuke smirked at me - let's face it, that's practically his only expression - and firmly pulled me closer to him when he stepped in. "Let's do it in the shower. We've never done it before." 

I rubbed my chin in contemplation, all the while blinking away the water from my eyes. "Yeah, you're right. But every time we do it, something goes wrong." 

"We'll just have to be extra careful." He took ahold of my toosh and backed me to the shower wall. Using his upper strength, he lifted me up so that I was positioned slightly above his anaconda. So far, so good. He was pretty strong and I was not one to complain about this. As I sunk down onto him, I heard a hiss - was that from his python or from him? I couldn't tell because he was very, very deep inside my cavern. It was like he was Dora the Explorer who decided to wander off to the unknown where the bats resided. 

He began to move at a steady pace and I was more than fine with it... Until his thrusts were more rougher, causing the back of my head to make contact with the wall. It went something like this: "Sasuke, oh yes! That feels sooo good - Oh, OH NO MY HEAD - OW, SLOW DOWN - DAMN IT I'M GOING TO GET A CONCUSSION AND GO INTO A COMA IF YOU DON'T STOP SASUKE!" 

He placed me down after I bellowed at him and I rubbed my poor, sore scalp. "Ugh... let's try a different position please?" I attempted to catch my breath and placed my hand against the soap holder, leaning my weight on it.  

My hand made contact with the soap and it fell to the bathtub floor. "Oops, let me get that!" My fingers were clumsy as they tried to catch the bar of soap but it avoided my attempts each time. But finally... FINALLY! I've caught the soap! "Aha!" I exclaimed. Got it! I stood up, took a step and I slipped. My hands desperately grabbed for something to hold on to and unfortunately, Sasuke's worm was the target. 

I held on and he yelped, trying to pull from me to avoid extra pain. I ended up with my knees on the floor and my face was implanted on to his hard rock abs.  

"Let go," he grunted with misery. 

I removed myself from his nice abs, glanced up at him and smiled with uncertainty. "Uh... free naughty handshake for you?" 

I could have sworn there were tears in his eyes, but I couldn't tell if it was from water or not. Nevertheless, I released my grip from his poor, wrinkled banana. I rubbed it comfortingly and sincerely apologized to him and soon enough, it was as if it magically forgot the pain. 

I turned around, lifted my leg to the edge of the tub and held onto the sink, sure that there wouldn't be any other accident. "Here, put your bleep in my jeep. This should be good enough." There was no sounds of movement except running water and I turned around, seeing Sasuke pat his reptile softly. 

"This isn't a petting zoo. Get on with it!" 

He sucked his teeth at me and slid in my soaked donut without any complications. Aw yeah, that's what I'm talking about! We moved and moved, and it felt incredible. Why didn't we try this before? In my heightened sense of pleasure, I lost my sense of surroundings and wished to hold onto something else for a change of circulation in my arm. I grabbed the curtain and it ripped. Crud! Jiraiya, I'm losing faith in your Icha Icha Paradise tips. 

Down and down we went, crashing onto the ground. 

"I don't think smexy time is for us..." I groaned. 

"Agreed." 

"Let's take a break. I want to live just a little bit longer." 

To be continued... ;D Obviously, this isn't the end of their smexy time~ But such bad luck they have. Oh well. 

*Note: There aren't any pills like that, but for the sake of humor and this story, let's pretend there is. : ) 

Please leave your comments <3 thank you! I appreciate your love for this story.