Dylan..he's just my bff..right?

3. Butterflies

Dylan picked me up for school, and of course seeing his face made all those previous thoughts came rushing back... I don't want to ruin anything by saying something or doing something.. but I can't keep this up... I did my best to forget all about those thoughts... Those stupid thoughts that just kept growing, some where I have a boyfriend who I've know for ages.. who really, truly cares.. who's name happens to start with a Dy and ends with an -lan... but I can't. I just can't. I can't have those thoughts, I can't think about it as a real-word senerio... it can't happen.
No.
It won't happen.

_____________________________________

After school and work, Dylan and I head back to his house. It's rare, but when both his parents aren't home, his house is pretty awesome! It's huge. Like I wish I lived here huge.

His parents are out on 'work business'. Since there fight, they've both taken a couple days to themselves.. this happens about once a month at his house.. they fight.. they take a mini vacation, come home and things are fine for a little bit.. I feel sorry for Dylan to be honest... I know how rough it is on him.

Its Friday so we've got nothing to do tomarrow, we sit in his living room and chill, we watch a movie, play Clue - my favorite board game. And eat freezer pizzas... --so good-- once we get board we head up to his room, wear he plays video games with his online friends, and I scroll and relax on my phone, while cuddling with his tiny dog - Jaz.

Jaz is my favorite part about Dylan's house...other than the size. She is a tiny little thing, she's all black, purse sized, and has little bits of brown on her feet. She's so cute!!!

As the night goes on I start to get really bored... its only 8:30 though... I'm typically here way later before I go home.. or at least I stay up later before I crash in his bed, forcing him to sleep in the red recliner chair in the corner of his room. But I know he likes having a reason to sleep in that chair.

I roll over, carefully not to disturb Jaz. Dylan has his back to me, he's playing some game and barking orders to his friends... then laughing at them once they've been shot. I chuckle softly every time his friends die, you can hear them yelling trough his headset about why that shouldn't have happened. It's pretty funny.

"I'm bored" I say with an annoying sigh.

He dramatically spins around in his chair, "well what are we ganna do about that!" He laughs.

"I don't know thats why I said it!" I say teasingly.

He smiles. He spins around types something real quick on his keyboard, and logs off. He gets up and walks over to me. I'm on the far side of his bed, near the very cold wall. Jaz is the only thing keeping me from laying right next to the wall.

Dylan kneeles on the bed, and Jaz immediately jumps up and gets off the bed.

"Hey!" I say.
"Traitor" He says glaring at her as she curls up on the floor. We laugh at our shared 'hurt feelings'.

Dylan continues to climb onto his bed, proceeding to lay down next to me, staring up at the ceiling with me.

We're staring at his popcorn ceiling making shapes out literally nothing, pretending we can see what the other sees. It's quite fun to do actually. He's looking upward describing, and pointing at something, I'm looking at his face and smiling, he's really flipping cute when he's attempting to describe something thats not there. He looks over at me and smiles. "What?"

I laugh, "nothin."
He glares at me, still smiling, "what!"
"I hate you too." I say soft and smiling. Not really thinking.
He looks at me confused "hmm? What do you mean?"
I stutter "u-uh well-uhh... your my favorite person too. Thats all..." I say smiling again...
He sits straight up and looks back at me, "you were asleep. You umm- You weren't supposed to hear that.." He says shocked and worried. He's sitting up facing me now. I sit up to, scooching toward the top of the bed.
"I-I-umm- I'm sorry I-I didn't know, I-I uh wa-wasnt supposed to hear, I'm sorry" I said quietly, while looking down a bit. God damnit! Why did I have to make it wierd it was so perfect.. crap! And god why do I have to studder so much! It's Dylan we've always been honest! He's my best friend and truly he is my favorite person.. so what's the God dang matter!! I'm starting to cry a bit. Which is even more embarrassing, great. Dylan's warm hand crept up to the side of my face, lifting it just enough for us to make eye contact. He scoots forward a bit and hugs me. I hug him back and I start sobbing.

After a little bit he leans back from our hug and looks me dead in the eye and says, "Layla. I know you. This (he pointed at all of me), isn't you. Whats wrong?" He asks in just the right nighttime tired raspy voice that makes me wanna melt just a little more. "I-uh.. I can't do this." I get up and walk to the door. My hand halfway trough turning the knob. Dylan's hand slams on the door right above my head. Since he's taller than me and much stronger, I can't get the door open for the life of me.
"Lay" He whispers.
My heart sinks.
I turn around now facing him, his hand still on the door above me. He's staring directly at me. I can see it in his eyes he's incredibly worried about this whole situation.
"It's nothing I swear." I say softly, I look away from his face when I said it so I don't accidently let everything thats been on my mind all day slip.
He lowers his hand from on the door above me, to next to my head. He brings his other hand up to my chin to lift my face up to look into his eyes again... Damnit. I don't want to look into his eyes, his buetiful soft eyes. DAMNIT. Now we are here... I feel very embarrassed by everything I've done tonight. I want it all to stop!

As if Dylan was reading my mind, but only slightly... he leaned in. Closer to me...our foreheads and noses where touching, I could feel his warm soft breath. I officially can't breathe... my heart is racing, my cheeks feel like there on fire. And the worst thing is, I know for a fact he can feel my pulse... he can see my cheeks.. and he can see my eyes... which are directly pointed at his lips... eventually my eyes move up and meet his. He's just standing there, I don't think he entirely knows what's going on either...

We stand like this against the door frame for what I feel like is forever... eventually he let's out a very, very, very shaky breath. He look at my lips then back at my eyes. And then he backs up... he backed up... he just walked straight back to about the middle of his room without even turning around. He looks at me let out an extermily shaky sigh and attempts to speak, but it came out as more of a raspy whisper, "Layla," he pauses, "if-" He pauses again. "If you need to leave, do so.. I can't pretend anymore. I can't pretend like it didn't just take every inch of my willpower to not kiss you. I can't pretend like I'm not jealous everytime you even slightly glance in the direction of another guy. I can't pretend like your not the only thing I truly have in this world. I can't pretend that the reason I wait for you every day after school isn't because I want to spend time with you. I can't pretend like you're not the most buetiful person I've ever seen. I can't pretend that every time you look at me I don't want to melt. I can't pretend that I won't do anything to hear you laugh or see you smile. I can't pretend anymore." He says gradually getting louder.

My jaw is slightly open... everything in my head is gone. I don't know how to react...

He turns around facing away from me, his head lowered. I'm still in shock...

"Please, I'm sorry, just- just go I didn't mean to dump it all out on you, I didn't even mean to tell you. I'm sorry, please just go" He says while choking on his words. His back still facing me.

I do what he said to do... I found the doorknob and left his room. As soon as I stepped into the cold hallway I turned around about to rush right back in, but I paused, my hand is right above the doorknob. I let out a big heavy sigh. I think to myself: I could burst back in and do what? Hug him? No, Say thank you, God no. What would I do? Do I want to mess up our entire friendship? Well I mean it's already kind of---- before my thought finished my hand opened the door. He's sitting in his red recliner bent over with his hands on his head. I've known him forever, I can tell when he's over thinking, or when he's about to spiral and do something stupid.
His head burst straight up as soon as his door opened. He sat up "Lay I told you to-"
"Shut up"
He stopped. "Layla I can't kee-"
"No seriously, shut up."
He looks shocked.
"You don't get to list your whole huge list of struggles and then tell me to leave. Ok? You do not get to spiral because of this." I gesture my fingure between us. I realized I'm practically yelling... I lower my voice back to a regular volume, "I have struggled with this to, I've noticed it the most recently...but I think it's been growing for a while... I don't know what the hell it is, but clearly we need to talk about it. So despite everything thats been said today, let's start at the beginning ok?"
He looks at me and smiles ever so slightly. He gets up slowly and walks over to me.
"Sounds like a deal" He said in a slight whisper, still shaken up by the whole thing. He slides a hand on the side of my neck and the other on my cheek.
"I did warn you to leave though," he leans down so our noses are touching again. He looks at my eyes then my lips then back at my eyes. His actions made me show the slight smile I was desperately trying to hide... Then he kissed me...