Brain war

him

TW: SA/ AB*SE / PANIC ATTACK / TRAUMA RESPONSE. BE AWARE PLEASE.

Chapter 11

4PM Wednesday
*Amisha*

God this car ride is so awkward, I literally just told his boss I  don't want to enter his home. Now that I think about it, what I said sounded really bad. Like I'm afraid of something inside the house. But I'm just scared to get in any man's house. I haven't done that since Clyde. Just thinking about him makes my body tense. Shit, fuck, shit. Not right now. Why now.

I was totally having a panic attack just from thinking about him. I roll down the window hoping the driver  hasn't noticed that I'm having a hard time breathing. I start aggressively scratching my and wanting this feeling to stop. Fuck it, I need to get out. " Can you stop the car please, PLEASE " I basically scream the last part. The driver got the side of the rode in panic right before he stopped the car I swung the door open to get out. I started running towards I don't know what, I just need to shake this feeling away but it's not. I can't.

I violently rubbed my body to make it clean, rubbing and scratching my skin. " STOP! MAKE IT STOP! " I yelled grabbing my head. The driver ran to me asking me things but I can't hear him. All I hear is him, I don't want to hear him. I start hitting myself in effort to knock myself out, but it's not working. "STOPPPP, GET IT OFF ME! STOPPP! ". The driver got closer and is still talking to me trying to calm me down. He grabs my arm to stop me from running further but I slap him in the face. " DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME! DON'T YOU FUCKING DEAR! " I scream in his face. I got on the floor still rubbing my body because I can still feel it. I can't breathe. I can't think. My anger suddenly turns to sadness and disgust. " I'm dirty, get them off me. Please ".

The driver crouched in front of me " It's fine, it's fine sweetheart. You are clean " he said softly. Am I? I'm clean? I still feel dirty. " LYER" I yell at him embracing myself to block everything out.
" I'm not lying, you are clean" he said again. " Really? " I question him not knowing what to believe. " Yes, you are " he spoke softly. " Are you going to hurt me? " I desperately ask not wanting to be dirty again. Just as I said that I saw the sadness in his eyes, his whole face changed. I know this expression too well. 

" No I won't hurt you, no one will " He said not looking at me anymore. The pressure on my body starts to evaporate, I still feel like shit tho. I sit up still holding myself. But not as protection anymore, just as comfort. "My name is Vincent if you didn't know " he said. " I've been working for William since he was born, I would never hurt you" he said now smiling softly.

The guilt starts to sip in my body I hit this man, multiple times and he's still nice to me. I don't say anything back, I just stared in front of me. " Do you need anything? Do you want me to call William? " he asks. I shake my head no in response being in a nonverbal state for the moment. " Do you need time? " he asked getting closer, I flinched noticing he's it. He quickly moves back. I nod yes, " Okay I'll be right next to you if you need me " He says sitting back down a feet away from me. I start rocking my body back and fort trying to control my breathing and thoughts.

We've been sitting here for a while now, an other car even stopped by to ask if we needed help. Vincent told them that it's fine that I was just feeling unwell from the ride. How did I end up like this, rolled up on the floor in the middle of nowhere with dried  up tears on my face. What am I saying I know how I ended like this. I know who made me like this. I stop myself from thinking about him and called Vincent. " Vincent" I said softly still embarrassed from my actions towards him.

I feel so bad, all he had to do is drive me home. But instead he's calming me down and stopping me from hurting myself. " Yes Amisha " he came back in front of me kneeling down. "Can you bring me home? I know I haven't been the nicest to you. If you don't want to I can call an Uber. You don't-" , " I will gladly take you home safe, Amisha " , " Oh.. okay.. thank you " I said trying to get up but failing. " Do you- " he says bringing his hand to me for support but I look at him worried, still not wanting to be touched. " Sorry " he says stepping back giving me space to get up. We both walked back to the war and I got in my seat.